Many people sit down to talk about their hobbies or interests. The only things occupying my mind are memories. Most of them aren't even pleasant. Here are the ones that haven't been entirely forgotten. Some are more vivid than others.
...
I will be...
The year 2020 meant something different for me. Many people faced quarantine and isolation because of Covid.
I was facing that regardless.
Mom pulled me out of school only a couple months before the pandemic began in the US, so I was ahead of the game. I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone or delve into homeschool at the same time as everyone else because I'd already done it.
Selfishly, it made me feel less alone. I wasn't the only person suffering, locked at home, living in fear of what's to come. Though it was for entirely different reasons, I wasn't being left out.
I was able to start my first ever job at Mom's office building. It was secluded and gave me something to do during the day when I couldn't be at home or on my phone. There's only so much to do on a completely restricted phone.
I was getting $10 an hour, a high pay for what I expected at the time, and was flying through my online classes. Spencer and I remained in contact through a few apps that Mom left on my phone (she didn't know they had messaging options.) We emailed while I had my laptop at her work.
Mom even let me visit a few friends. I stayed at Delia's house (only after her parents promised to keep a very close eye on me) and Wes came to mine sometimes.
One time he came over to watch a movie with me. We sat on the couch, somewhat near each other, and watched some obscure anime film. He felt comfortable enough to have an arm around me, which already made me nauseous. But when he started playing with my hair and tugging on it, I had to send him home. After everything, I was not going to let him get that close.
Until July that year, I grew my hair out. It was mid back length by that time, and I'd cut bangs for the first time ever. I desperately wanted to dye my hair crazy colors, but knew it didn't fit my old high school's dress code. I didn't want to start something that I couldn't finish if I was going back to my school.
Mom and her husband had promised that I'd be able to go back if I kept up good behavior until the school year started. After all, Spencer would be graduated by then and gone. Genuinely, I knew I wouldn't see him and was willing to wait until I was 18 to do so. It was less than a year from then anyways.
That summer, my biological brother became distant. He no longer wanted to talk to anyone. He stayed in his room and was very curt with what he said. This heavily affected the rest of the family. Mom's husband would pick fights with him, demanding respect and conversation where there wasn't any. Mom would defend her son, taking him out to shop or get food when her husband upset him. Owen, June, and I all became the trouble kids while my brother was the perfect one. Again. Every other week, Owen and I took turns getting grounded.
For some reason, they all said that I was the favorite. No way.
Some time before that school year began, Mom told me that she never said I would be able to go back. And there was no way she was going to let me, because Spencer could still be in the area. I told her that it wasn't even about him, and that my GPA croaked after starting homeschool. Going back would fix my grades and would allow me to see my friends and be happy. She just said that I made my choice by still talking to Spencer. I always responded with, "no, you did." To which she would snap back and we would argue.
With my hopes of going back to my friends squashed, I dyed my hair. I cut it above my shoulders, bleached everything, and then dyed it peach. Then red. Then orange. Then turquoise, which faded into a beautiful mint green.
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