Strings

Chapter 38

Avery

"Divorce, Hayden?" I ask, trying to blink away my tears. "Divorce?"

I force myself to swallow the lump in my throat. I mean I knew I wasn't what Hayden was looking for, and I am far from ideal and I guess I always figured that this day would come, which is why I relished our moments together probably a lot more than he did, but I had no idea it would've been so so bad for Hayden that he'd want to jump ship so fast.

"why won't you look at me?" I ask, my voice so quiet, barely above a whisper, but I know he heard me as I watch his Adam's Apple bob up and down.

He doesn't answer.
He doesn't answer, and he still doesn't look at me.

I start feeling nauseous and lightheaded and muttering to myself like a crazy woman.

"god, I guess I am not worth looking at even, let alone answers.

Can't believe Olivia had it right all this time. Y-you were with me out of pity. S-she'd tried to warn me. She'd told me not to get my hopes up, that you could never be with someone like me, that you could never lov-"

I take a step backwards and can't help but snicker at how sad this hard turned out for me. How very sad and twisted. I feel waves of all sorts of emotions coursing through me. I feel anger, hurt, pain, burning, longing, I feel it all. And none of which I understand, the intensity of them leaving me confused. I guess, I can add that up along with the list of feelings numbing my mind.

"Right. I guess this is it." I say, taking a step back, talking more to myself than him. My vision is so blurred with the tears that I refuse to spill, that I can barely just make the outline of his muscular body dressed in black.

I turn around. I take the smallest of steps away.

"Everyone told me I wasn't enough. I can't believe they were right." I say, thinking out loud, as I take another step. I can't believe this. I am walking away.

"Shut the fuck up."

huh?

I can't bring myself to turn around, so I tilt ever so slowly. Did he even speak or am I actually loosing my mind?

You're going crazy Avery. Just pick up the shards of your heart and dignity and leave. Doesn't matter that everyone else was right. At least not right now.

"I said, shut the fuck up."

This time I do turn around. And it infuriates me this time. So much.

"I apologize if I am too annoying to be around." I speak tightly, through clenched teeth. I controlled my tears, I can control my anger as well; although that was seeming to be more difficult.

"But don't worry, you wont have to listen to me think out loud, now that we have these papers to credit, that's another relief from not bothering to look at me anymore."

and then more to myself, I add, "not that you care. Not that you ever cared."

I see him clench and unclench his fists rapidly before I turn back around. He wants these papers? He'll receive them. Signed and submitted, I think angrily.

I barely take two steps back before his icy voice pierces through the cold winds. Oh, have I mentioned how dark the clouds have become or how the wind has increased its pace exceedingly? Yup, that's right, perfect weather, really.

"I don't care? When you're the one who's walking away so easily, ironically convenient, don't you think?" His voice slices through to me, making me impossibly angry. Especially since I know that he is still not looking my way.