Roommates, apparently (GxG)

Chapter 16.5 - "I'm gonna be fine" (mature extra)

꧁•⊹٭𝙹𝚎𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛٭⊹•꧂

"What about your head-"

"I don't care about that right now" I reply, cutting her off a little too hastily, upon reflection.

I realise immediately that I probably came off as a horny bitch, chuckling nervously. I take a breath to gather my thoughts for a moment, focusing my eyes on hers before I prepare to say some things I can't take back.

"I know that I said we should take things slow, but that's because I was scared to fuck things up or scare you away. I was worried that we'd rush this too quickly or it would fizzle out and become a meaningless college experiment that we reminisce about with friends, when we're old and alone and scared of turning fifty..."

I pause, stopping the ramble for now. I can only hope that I'm making sense, but I'm so nervous that I'm not sure if I am. I'm experiencing a full-blown case of word vomit right now.

"Today made me realise something important though - it wouldn't be meaningless. No matter what happens between us, it won't be a pointless story, nothing that's already happened between us has been meaningless to me. I don't want to waste anymore time ruminating on the 'what ifs' instead of embracing what's here, what's real... I don't want to run from it anymore. Hell, I don't know why I was even running in the first place! You've had me captivated since the first day, Alissa, I just couldn't admit that to myself until recently"

The following silence is deafening, but I don't know what else I was really expecting. I said a lot, she'll surely need a minute at least, I need to be patient... but as the seconds begin to pass in silence, I can feel my head swimming with a plethora of ways she could reject me right now, making my stomach turn.

She seems to be processing my words carefully, meanwhile I attempt to decode her thoughts, failing miserably, but that doesn't stop me from trying over and over again. After what felt like too long had passed, I began to grow even more nauseous. My palms start to sweat as my stomach drops more and more with each second that passes.

What if I said too much? What if I've-

"You mean so damn much to me, Jennifer. I really hope you know that..." She whispers quietly as the edges of her lips turn upward and her hands move to cup my face.

She brushes her thumb underneath the wound on my forehead, studying it intently for a moment, before sighing with a soft smile. The gentle contact calms my nerves almost immediately, allowing me to relax my shoulders and look up to meet her eyes before she continues to speak.

"I can't even begin to explain the way you make me feel, Jen. Sure, I'm scared, because I've never felt this way about anyone before, but I don't want to run from it either... wether we label it now or wait a while, I don't care, because either way, I know that I want to be able to call you mine eventually. I want to protect you, I want to make memories with you, I want to go out and explore cool places or swim through every rock pool in a hundred mile radius with you"

Her words are laced with an undeniable sense of sincerity, making my heart beat erratically with excitement against my chest - I also decide right there and then that her smile is something I never want to be vacant from my life.

I close the distance between us as a way to stop 3 very invasive words from slipping out in the heat of the moment. It's too soon for that. I've never felt this way for someone before, but that doesn't mean it's love... how do you even figure that out? There no step by step or guaranteed checklist which indicates wether you love someone or not, so how do you even reach that conclusion?