A Guide to Humans

Chapter 6:

I walked into my lab in the middle of the night, pulling the hoods up from the table. I just needed to work, staying in my room wasn't helping.
Druka had been helping me through a lot of my emotions as I had my moment, and he also agreed that I needed to do something to take my mind off it. Mostly because he was worried about my child and also that I might take my life. As he put it, I was a festering whirlpool of negative thoughts that couldn't have ended well.
As I checked my plants, I found that my plants were still alive. Marx must have taken care of them.
I smiled quietly and went to start my measurements.

My tablet beeped to let me know that it was an hour before Marx would wake up as I closed my table hood back down. I turned the alarm off and collected my things, stopping to leave a note thanking Marx, but reiterating that I was still mad and would probably be for a while.
I headed out, not to my room, but to the gym. No one used it in the mornings, I knew that from the time I spent watching them from both the vents and then as a proper member of the crew. When it came to schedules, this crew did not stray without reason. And what reason could cause them to stray today?
Grief from getting yelled at by your pregnant partner, apparently.
Garmac was on the weights, seeming to be doing his normal routine earlier than usual. He didn't notice me coming in, which, wasn't surprising. The doors make very little noise, which is slightly annoying because the first time I actually could get the cathartic release of slamming a door for a good reason, and said door can't slam.
I stood in front of the door for a second, watching him quietly with a pang in my heart. I wanted to talk to him, but I knew I wasn't in a good mental headspace. I would have most likely hurt him more.
I quickly left, heading down the corridors, turning at random knowing I could figure out how to get back to my quarters via the vents if need be. Don't ask me how I could spend a month in the ducts and memorize the entire ship's vent and duct system, but actively living on the ship in quarters for quite a bit longer doesn't yield the same results.
I eventually made my way to the observation deck. We weren't passing by any anomalies to my knowledge, so it had to be empty.
And thankfully, it was.
I sat on one of the benches and took my bag off, staring up at the glass ceiling that let me see past into the abyss of stars. I sighed and just sat there, taking it all in.
I used to stare up at the stars in hopes of finding... Something. I wasn't happy on Earth, but I didn't know what I needed, so I stared at the sky, hoping for an answer to what I needed.
And then I joined the stars, and it was great. It is great. It has been great for the past five years.
This will pass, as do all things.
I sighed and closed my eyes, bowing my head as I put my hand on my stomach.
"I don't know what we are going to do. So we are going to take a moment, and then we will just keep going." I said quietly. I laid back on the bench and stared up at the glittering expanse.

I got a ding from a message on my tablet near breakfast time and I sat up, grabbing my bag and rummaging for a second before I got my hands on the tablet. I checked my messages and opened up my chat with Druka.
"Where are you? I stopped by to see if you wanted anything for breakfast and you weren't in your room."
I smiled and texted him back.
"I am in the observation deck, but I am headed to the cafeteria. Could you meet me?"
"I will be there in a minute and I will walk you down."
I smiled and packed my things, standing and walking through the doors and standing right outside them as we waited.

Druka and I sat down in the back corner of the cafeteria while it was still mostly empty. I ate quietly while he watched me.
"Fabel, what did you do last night?" He asked.
I swallowed and looked up at him.
"I went to the lab and caught up on my work, then I went to the training room, but Garmac was there and..." I paused, stabbing my spork into a slice of Branxel steak. "I am not in the right mindset to talk to anyone I love other than you." I admitted.
"Do you want to talk about your birthday? I know we have been avoiding the topic-"
"But talking helps?" I finished for him, looking up at him. "I know." I said, sighing.
"Why don't you do birthdays?" He asked and I looked down.
"Growing up, they were just a reminder of how little my parents cared to get to know me. They were never there anyway, but they would get me things that a little girl typically would want, but I was never a typical little girl. I liked bugs, plants, animals, and they always got me barbies and princess dresses. Eventually, when a gift came for me it the mail, I would just leave it on their bed without opening it for when one of them came home to find. Eventually, they respected me not wanting their gifts, or they got sick of me being ungrateful, and they stopped."
"Isn't it the thought that counts?" Druka asked and I gave him a sharp look.
"That's the thing, there was no thought. They got me these pink, girly things, and I don't like pink. It's always been pushed on me by teachers and them, but I never liked the color, on me or not. They never even took the time to know me, and I was their daughter." I said quietly, my voice cracking on the last word.
Druka placed his small hand on top of mine and I turned mine over to hold his, taking a deep breath.
"Then, there is the expectation of my peers growing up when I was real little. On their birthdays, or the Friday before if it was on a weekend, their parents would bring in cupcakes or some other treat. But, not mine, since they weren't there. My classmates would get so excited when the teacher would say it was my birthday. Then, when the teacher would ask when my parents would be showing up, and I told the truth, their hopes of something sweet would be crushed. Naturally, being kids, they didn't like that and would say some rather hurtful things for elementary kids. Things like 'your parents don't love you' and 'what kind of loser doesn't celebrate their birthday?' Since my birthday was at the beginning of the year, by fifth grade, I would tell my teachers to not mention my birthday within the first week of school." I swallowed. "But, the damage was done. My class knew my parents didn't throw parties or bring treats for my birthday."
Druka nodded and sipped his drink, listening intently when I looked at him.
"Then, when I would get invited to birthday parties, I would always decline on the spot, because I had no money for a gift nor a ride to the party, and that just added to the reasons I wasn't part of any real friend group." I smiled. "Being a ginger didn't help." I joked.
Druka squeezed my hand and I sighed.
"So, I just gave up on being able to celebrate my birthday, and then when Marx, Dr. Prul and Dr. Fronk started acting suspiciously on my birthday, I just... I felt used. Like, the first time I actually get a birthday after I had specifically made it clear that I don't do that, and I didn't want to deal with it." I raked my fingers through my hair. "I just... I don't want to celebrate my birthday. Would that have been so hard to respect?" I asked, looking at him.
"I... No." Druka said, smiling reassuring me. "You deserve to be listened to and your wishes respected." He assured me, still holding my hand.
I smiled and leaned over, hugging him.
"Thank you." I said quietly as my eyes brimmed with tears.