sober?

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TW: alcohol, panic attacks,blood and mention of relapsing and anxiety.
lowercase intended
probably mistakes but just ignore them

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it was currently 2am in Florida and yet here George was finding himself sat on the edge of his mattress, his knee bouncing with dread. he was holding tears behind his eyes and felt as if the smallest noise could set him off in a stream of sobs.it had been nine months since George last consumed alcohol ,with the help of his friend and boyfriend, however he had never felt like he needed a drink more than these past couple of days.

4 days ago he had unpacked from travelling to the uk to live with nick and clay, he had told them it was because he was bored in his house alone but that wasn't the real reason he had moved, it was because he felt scared he was going to relapse and didn't think he could deal with it on his own again.

he slowly gathered himself and left the dark barren room he had been hiding in to grab a glass of water in the hopes of calming his mind.

i'm fine it's all fine i don't need help it's perfectly fine, he repeated in his mind as his frail hands traced the cold metal of the stair railing, stumbling over his feet at the last step too concentrated on distracting his mind to pay attention to his legs. he jumped as he felt a soft movement against his calf and looked down to see patches rubbing her ear against him seeking some kind of attention and he couldn't explain why but the small cat had made him completely break down and crumble in on himself. running out of breath in a fear of what he would do. he raced towards the counter shelf's for a small glass and began frantically searching the cabinets for any kind of alcohol to drown out his emotions.

shit shit shit breathe George what the fuck are you doing, dream would be so disappointed in you, stop stop stop.

he was ugly crying at this point and gave up running his hands desperately through the cabinets in search of relief. he fell back against the cold floor of the kitchen shrinking against the counter doors feeling the dull handle prod at his back as he did so.

get help George.

agonisingly he cried out into the darkness silently hoping nick and clay would hear him and come rushing to help him but they didn't until he felt his breath catch in his chest every time he inhaled and starting screaming in a panicked daze of his current state.

finally he could hear a timid pair of footsteps echoing around his head followed by worried voices that he recognised.

Clays POV:

"George, George baby can you hear me? i'm right here okay? i'm right here" i found him splayed out on the floor a shattered glass by his hand probably dropped in the midst of his panic attack.

"nick go get the first aid kit, quick!" i shouted over George's sobs and repeating mutters of the words 'im sorry ' after noticing a deep cut in his hand from the jagged glass shards.

"your okay sweetheart, your gonna be okay just take deep breaths for me alright" i could see him trying to even his shaking exhales as he squeezed his teary eyes shut panicking further when he caught his breaths every once in a while.

nick ran back to me with a small green box in his large hands hurriedly handing it to me as i searched for the antiseptic wipes and bandages.

"this is gonna hurt a bit okay?"

his sweat covered head nodded along as i could see he tried to acknowledge what had happened to his blood covered palm.i gently wiped around the wound avoiding the actual cut as long as possible until i had to clean over it. George's hand curled up in pain as he let out a loud wince, his nails dragging into my wrist until the stinging stoped.

"i know, i know baby i'm so sorry" i whimpered hating having to hurt the boy i love so much. after i cleaned the deep gash i quickly wrapped his hand in the white cloth making sure it held enough pressure to stop the bleeding.

George was still crying uncontrollably though his breathing had come to a less frantic pace with the comfort of nicks hand on his shoulder trying to keep some distance as to not overwhelm him any more.

"shh shhh, I've got you, it's okay now your okay" i whispered into his hair as i cautiously held his frame to my chest his small body melting into the embrace.

whilst i didn't know the full story of what happened i can assume that from the broken glassware and the small bite marks on his dry lips that he was relapsing was too shy to ask us for help.

with his ear against my heartbeat he slowed his tears and wiped his watery nose on the back of his oversized sweater he slept in.

"are you okay? what happened my love?"

"i was s-scared... i didn't know what to do i j-just wanted a drink but i didn't want you to b-be mad at me ...and i f-found patches and i j-just ...i don't know...i'm s-sorry i'm so sorry... i'll p-pay for the glass i p-promise...i'm sorry" he rambled stumbling over his words his voice strained and croaky from his raw throat.

"hey, hey it's okay, don't worry about the glass baby, i don't care about the glass i just need to make sure your okay alright? and i promise you i'm not angry sweetheart it's not your fault but next time i need you to come to me or nick and we can help you okay?we will never be angry at you for something you can't control" i didn't get a reply from the distant figure in my arms.

"George honey? is that okay?"

"yeah" he said in a bleak voice below me.

"good, let's go get some rest yea? you look tired" i stated calmly running my fingers through his dark mess of hair.

George POV:

as we all walked up the wooden steps i broke the sad silence by muttering a "nick?, clay ?"

"yea Georgie?" the red haired boy on my right replied.

"i love you guys, and i'm sorry i woke you up i was just like panicking and stuff" i said my voice laced with guilt.

"we love you too George, so so much and don't apologise we're always gonna be here to help" he reassured me with a warm hand on my back creating calming circles with his palm.

for the rest of the night me and my boyfriend cuddled close in bed with his head placed over mine and the occasional kiss on my head to keep me calm and to help me fall asleep as nick went back downstairs to clean up the shards of glass and blood and to watch breaking bad with patches as he apparently didn't want to go back to sleep.

i wasn't in the best part of my life but i had two of the best people i could possibly have by my side to help me get through it and soon enough my nine month sobriety turned into a full year of being sober.

i was getting better. just slowly.

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1300 words

first thing ive ever published on here so i'm not expecting anyone to read this but if you did i hope you liked it
go get a drink and some food and remember that someone loves you
-ray<3

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