Fool's Love

5. A Healthy Relationship?

The next day starts off like the one before. After opening the store, I follow Jace into the supply room. He breathes on my neck as he hastily unbuckles my belt. He places my hand on his groin, so I can feel him straining against his tight pants. Then, with a sharp tug, he pulls my belt free, and it hits the tiles. "What made you run yesterday?"

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. You saw something that scared you. What was it?" His thumb dips behind the waistband of my pants, and his cold nail presses against my skin.

I want to tell him the truth, but it's against our rules to talk about the private details of our life. It's how we keep ourselves from falling in love. His dark brown eyes study me as his jaw clenches and his hands freeze. Apparently, my answer is more important than sex, so I tell him, "It's complicated."

He exhales out his nose. "What if we dropped our rules and had a normal relationship in secret. I'm sure gay men will be allowed to love openly someday but till then...." He holds my chin and tilts it up so I look at him.

There's only one person who never leaves my mind no matter how much I try to forget them—well, two, if you include Blake, but he's off limits. Aside from them, I would never be able to love anyone else. I look at my shoes. Once it gets to this point, my fun relationships always end. I can never give the other person what they want. It hurts me almost as much as it hurts them. We wait in silence. Our breaths net as his earnest eyes plead with me to say something. Anything.

There's a knock on the door, a hesitant clear of a throat. "A-hem! A-hem!" Blake says, drawing my attention.

Jace's brows knit in confusion, and I motion for him to step away. A dark expression crosses his features as he moves to one side. The door opens, and Xavier walks in. He scowls as he registers my untucked shirt, open pants and dishevelled appearance.

Blake stands behind Xavier, a guilty expression on his face as he says, "He walked in while some customers distracted me. Sorry."

Sweat soaks my armpits as I try to eliminate the guilt that stings my chest. Xavier stares at Jace. "Are you here to deliver packages or fuck my brother?"

"Who the hell are you?" Jace asks.

Xavier laughs dryly and rakes his hand through his hair. "What is this? Some fucking TV Drama?" Xavier shoves his hands into his pockets and watches us coolly. He has put on quite a bit of muscle since I saw him last and is around two inches taller than me. His time in the army served him well. He doesn't look like the skinny kid I remembered, but neither am I. I swallow as the hair rises along my skin. While the silence stretches, I feel like a deer caught in Xavier's headlights.

Xavier says, "I'm also a son of Earl Dwyer, and while this country's nobles may not be as powerful as they once were, they still have quite the say in economic matters, so unless you want to lose your job, why don't you get lost?"

Jace looks to me for affirmation.

I nod.

Jace balls his hands into fists, apologizes to Xavier and exits the room, leaving me alone with my brother. Xavier sits on one of the unopened boxes, not caring how it sinks beneath him. "So, it's been a while, huh?"

"Four years."

Blake looks at me, his worried expression asking me if I'm alright. I nod at him, indicating he should go watch the store. Blake and Xavier exchange glares, and then Blake gives a showman's bow and leaves, closing the door behind him. On the other side, he says, "Yell if you need me."

I listen to Blake's fading steps as he moves away.

Alone, Xavier and I fall quiet. My head feels like it is about to split from the pressure of seeing him again. 'I'm sorry' plays over and over in my head like a stuck record.