No One Saved Me ||KookV||

Extra: A Letter

Jungkook, 

                   I hope this letter finds you well! I'm guessing you probably have a bored look on your face right now.

"Why is this person still here" is the most emotion I can read on your face during the years we've been together, even though you don't say it. I personally think that I'm the person who can understand you best in the world.

 It seems that my presence has always been low, but let me be a little proud. After all, we've been together for so long.

Don't close the file yet! I promise this is the last time I'll disturb your life. I'm actually not sure if you'll end up reading this letter, but in case you do, I think I should already be gone, right?

I put this letter together with the important documents of the Jeon Corporation, so by now, you must also know that I am Taehyun. I really can't think of any other reason for you to discover this letter other than to sort through the belongings I left despite you never setting foot in my room, as you have never shown any interest in my life.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you, I swear I just wanted to state a fact that everyone knows.

In fact, it was me who really felt sorry. I've trapped you with glands and laws for ten years. I often feel guilty, especially seeing you smile and go home less and less over the years. To be brutally annoying, although I felt guilty, I never really regretted it, even if it ended so badly.

Since I don't regret it, I want to help you and be there for you as much as I can, whether you care about this trivial matter. I can't help you in your personal life. Then, at work, "Taehyun" appeared. 

He exists to satisfy my selfishness as well, I guess. I really want to be able to see you more, even if it's just the virtual image at the weekly meetings. When I'm alone, I often think about a question. If I don't exist and you're free and single, what kind of person will you end up with?

I mean, the marriage kind of being together, instead of the current self-deluded relationship we have - which you may think of as more of like a cage that traps you? The kind of being together that I am talking about is unconditional love where two people make sincere vows in church, willing to spend their lives together.

I'll stop for a moment. 

It's really so difficult just thinking about it. Forget it.

Just by typing it out, it's already so hard to breathe, being overwhelmed with jealousy.

Alas, it's better if I shouldn't have existed. All right, I'm going to continue. That person must be an omega first and foremost. Before we got to where we are today, you praised my pheromone scent once. You have probably forgotten about it, it was already long ago. So.... even when you later said I smelled cheap and bad, I never forgot that compliment, until now.

Then I assume that that omega pheromone must also have a light red wine flavour, not too strong, but it must be your favourite flavour. In terms of appearance, I'm truly not sure what you like, but I remember that all the omegas you dated in the past were basically clean and fair with round eyes. Let's just assume this is the type you like. 

You must like an omega with a great career, not the home type because you put too much emphasis on work. I know you don't like me. We're not really married, and we're not protected by imperial marriage laws, but you've never womanized. You really put all your energy into your work, and I often worry that your body will not be able to bear it.

 Unfortunately, before Taehyun appeared, before I could join the Jeon company in another identity, I didn't know anything. It would be great if someone could help you out. Before Taehyun appeared, I was jealous of the person I imagined you would love in the future.

After Taehyun appeared, I was jealous of... Taehyun. It was too vicarious, especially with the occasional appreciative gaze you direct to me during the regular meeting as if I'm about to float into the clouds in happiness - how nice it would be if I were really him. Unfortunately, it'll have to be in another life, I presume.

Okay, as I said, I know you don't want to see me anymore. You have suffered too much in this life, and in the next life, you will probably stay away from me from the very beginning. Therefore, not meeting me would be the best outcome, right?

I'm really too good at ranting and raving. I'd be really flattered if you can read this after all that bullshit, haha. If there's indeed a next life, I don't think I'll bother you anymore— spare myself, particularly you. 

My only small wish is for someone to love me. No, as long as someone is willing to save me. I have lived in the dark for too long that I'm afraid to see bright and beautiful things. If there's someone who can pull me out of this quagmire, I think I will surely be content. 

But maybe not in this life. I'm really tired. Just being alive makes me feel so much pain. I have shown you my negativity. To be honest, I've been thinking about setting you free for years.

I know you're seriously looking for reliable doctors who can remove my gland and the mark. I also know that it's going to be the best outcome between us - everything will go back to where it started. You're still the proud alpha son of heaven while I'm just the ordinary alpha I always used to be.

However, I can't go back. Right now, I can't even imagine what would happen to me if I lost you. Every day and every night, I'm thankful that I at least became your partner in this life. I relied on this comfort to barely fall asleep, repeating it day after day, year after year. Even the mere thought that in the future, you might find your true love — after all, there are so many people who like you — pains me to the point of seeing darkness before my eyes and makes it difficult to sleep. 

So, I can't. Ugh.

That's why forgive me for the choice I made in the end. This will be the best ending between us. I let myself go, you'll gain your freedom, and I won't see you anymore in the future. 

I've arranged everything that might happen next. The Al in the house will remove the traces of my corpse, including the unpleasant smell. I've already handed over Taehyun's work. I've cleaned up my stuff even in the living room and the bedroom where you always stay. 

I hope in the end, you can stop hating me so much. As I'm unable to lie, wishing that you find happiness, then I sincerely hope you all the best in your career. I hope that you won't exhaust yourself too much. 

Although you're a high-level alpha, your body will slowly be unable to bear it...

That's all. 

I'm sorry.

Kim Taehyung

Empire, December 20, 405