❝ Hell isn't where you go when you die.
It's what you become when everything you love has been taken away. ❞
[ sequel to 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 ]
[ the 100 / season two ]
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𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡.
There is a matter of balance involved, a fine line between too little and too much.
When there's too little, guilt will show one how to become a more reasonable person. Less rotten. More healthy altogether. To feel empathy for another, to dare to be the trickily-wired being that is human.
But when it goes too far, it crumbles into a black shadow over the shoulders. It becomes a heavy bag one is supposed to put down once they learn whatever it came to teach them.
Then comes regret. And it's there to invite one to view their past through other perspectives than the ones they had at the time. And, although its motive is to better one's emotional intelligence and provide greater maturity, it can also break them down.
Because forgiving is essential to allow for personal growth. To allow the process of becoming a more experienced person. A better person, even.
And, perhaps, that's why Clarke decided to leave.
Because she was unable to forgive herself. She wasn't ready to believe that her decision back at the mountain had been fair — as far as fair goes nowadays. She wasn't ready to move away from that, and leave the events of the past just there; in the past.
Clove had been broken too — back when Clarke decided against entering Camp Jaha after returning from Mount Weather. She'd been completely heartbroken.
Still, she'd let her dear childhood friend go.
Standing before her, shifting from one hurting leg to the other didn't grant her much of a choice anyway.
But, she'd found happiness in other things. In the things around her; in those who had chosen to stay.
Correction; in those who had chosen to stay, but also those who didn't have a choice whether they did. And to those, Clove felt the immense need to remember. Out of respect for who they were, and for who they forever will be to her.
Esme and Christopher Everhart didn't choose to leave their only daughter to the dangers of planet Earth.
One and a half weeks after returning from the mountain, Clove had left her hospital bed. She had breathed the outside air, sucked it in like the first time she embraced it back on the first day. Closed her eyes with a content smile and really savored the peace of it all.
On the day of the two-week mark, she'd experienced the world on horseback for the very first time. She's always been fascinated with the creatures, even when they bore their enemy on their backs.
And, the double limping and constant leaning on everything around her wouldn't get her far. Figures.
A week later, she'd ventured past the treeline on the dark bay steed she'd grown to adore.
