Carry that weight (Fruk)

17

When I arrived home, I quickly began cleaning the place a bit. I didn't need him complaining that it was too dirty. My home was not filthy; I just did not want him to feel uncomfortable here. Not that there was any reason he needed to be comfortable. I would tell him about my brother and get it over with. The longer I kept the secret, the more of an emotional toll it was taking on me.

I paused momentarily, as I hung up one of my sweaters. It felt like I was giving myself excuses right now. "What am I doing?" I asked myself. I need to do this because Francis is my friend and not because of what happened between us. If I were in his situation, I would want someone to tell me.

The door made a knocking sound, and I knew it was Francis. He was expected to come soon, but it still startled me. A bit stressed, I pushed some of my hair back, walking toward the door.

Once I opened the door, it didn't take long for him to explain everything on his mind. "Arthur, if you wanted to see me more often, you could've asked! Also, your brother and I are planning a dinner for everyone next week, so I expect your presence, as usual," he laughed.

Francis stepped into my home, throwing his shoes off, and taking his coat off next. I shut the door behind him and watched as he got comfortable. "Okay, great, listen, I really need to talk to you about something. You won't like it! I've been hiding it from you for a while," I started.

Francis turned to me, smiling. He was looking around my home, curiously. "Honestly, How are we supposed to talk about anything other than what happened between us?" He asked, sitting down. He tilted his head at me, and I felt trapped. He was eager to talk about us, and I was mostly concerned about my brother. There were a few things we needed to talk about. Francis gave me this look. A look that was condescending, but yearnful.

"Ah, I know, but—"

I rushed to sit beside him, and he smiled at me. "Before you say anything, let me start."

"I—"

"Ep—bup bup let me finish!"

"I.."

"ANYWAY! I feel I should come out with my side at the very least."

Francis had placed a finger on my lips to silence me, but finally moved them away as I stopped interrupting him. I didn't mean to; I am only eager to tell him everything. What's been happening between us, my brother and Lucile, needed to stop. I was going CRAZY! MY MIND KEEPS RACING.

"Arthur, I had...I used to have those feelings for you, as I mentioned before... So, hearing you tell me how you felt...it made me realize that those feelings I had, never went away. I know how this may seem...I'm with your brother; we are married, it is complicated. That's why, despite messing with you a bit...I don't think we should do anything to disturb that peace. I love you as a family now...as terrible as that sounds. I love your brother very much! So don't think I'll change my mind!"

He said the last part as if I would be the one to try and flirt with him. Me! Of all people! I was only thinking about it...I wasn't actually going to do it.

Now...

I needed to tell him the truth.

"I know... I am okay with that..." I started. I smiled at him, grabbing his hand. He looked at me, unsure, but I only did it to ensure he would stay calm. "What's wrong? You have a weird aura..."

"Francis, I've been trying to tell you this for a while. Since Easter...so please, this is going to be hard..."

"What? You're freaking me out..."

"Francis...I saw my brother and your sister...they were..." I paused for a moment, seeing his face change. He didn't look shocked or surprised, not even hurt. His face was still and stern. "They were what?" He said, almost aggressively. It made me feel like I needed to tread carefully.

"They are having an affair..." I spoke bluntly.

He took a deep breath, nodding. I wasn't sure why he was taking this so well. Maybe he was trying to process it? It was odd, even for him. I didn't want to think that his sudden confession to me meant he didn't suddenly care; something else was wrong.

"Hey?... What are you thinking?" I asked, worriedly.

It was like he finally snapped out of it, and looked at me. He smiled slightly, gripping my hand. "Thank you for telling me. I've known for about two weeks...I was avoiding it. I found messages on his phone, and then he started leaving late. I tried dropping some hints by not asking you or your brothers directly, but I see you knew. I'm not upset with you...I'm just worried. I was working up the courage to talk to him about it before anyone else found out, so we could try and work things out, but I was too late..." He started.

"Then the whole situation with you made me feel so confused. However, I was taught that marriage...well...that in marriage, things can work out if you want them to. I am unsure I can leave your brother over this, but I am willing to work it out..."

He looked down at our hands, sadly. I didn't know what to do or say. This was the saddest he had ever looked in a long time. "However, I'm glad you found out, rather than anyone else. I'm not ready to confront him yet, despite wanting to work it out....so, please give me time to figure it out," he spoke.

I smiled at him, nodding. I felt terrible that I couldn't help more, but I knew he thought I had helped plenty. Maybe this would give him the courage to leave my brother like I would want for him. I hate to work against my brother, but what he has been doing is wrong, and I will stand by Francis.

"Okay...I'm here for you," I spoke. I placed one of my hands on his shoulder, to reassure him. "Thank you, but let's act like none of this happened. We have dinner, and everything will be fine. I look forward to seeing you. You are coming, right?" He asked. He smiled at me, mischievously, and I nodded. "Of course, especially if you are the one cooking. Even if I didn't like French food much, you aren't too bad," I teased.

However, I still had something else on my mind. I was serious again, and he smiled at me worriedly. I wasn't sure why he would just try and forget about us. Not that I was pressuring him to be with me. That is the last thing I want. God, it feels like I am paranoid in my own thoughts. "I know...I know what you are thinking..." he started.

I was not only worried about him but confused about why! I can't understand why he would try and ignore what happened. I know it was for the best, but still. Why choose my brother? Not that I'm asking him to pick me! But I don't want him to waste his life with my good-for-nothing brother.

Oh my goodness...I am going crazy...

It does not help that he gives me those puppy dog eyes. It ensures that I will be bound to do whatever he tells me. I really suck!

No! My brain sucks! Why do I keep doing this to myself? I want to slap myself across the face.

"Despite everything...I made a vow to be with your brother. I'm catholic! And I need to find a solution. I don't think leaving him is an option, as I said...I will make it work. If he chose to leave me, that's fine, but obviously, he isn't going to. However, I don't want to be like him. I can't cheat on him...as much as I want to kiss you again..."

My eyes widened at what he said.

"I can't...I wasn't expecting you to tell me you had feelings for me. And now, it makes things harder. It's as if god is tempting me, but I can't give in! I won't let myself fall into sin!"

He is already sinning by being a raging homosexual...

To each their own.

"I will be a good husband! Whether I confront him or he finally tells me is the path that occurs, I will work things out with him if that's what he wishes...I can't..."

He was confessing and rejecting me all in one go.

Does this count as a double K.O.?

"I understand...I won't try and do anything that makes you uncomfortable; you know me. However, if you need help, don't be afraid to ask. I'm sure I can help in some way," I spoke. He smiled at me, nodding. This was as much as we could get off our chests right now.