The first man to break my heart was my father.
He hurt me mentally and physically, in ways I wished to forget and have forgotten.
And it hurts so much when I fail you, oh mercy to mankind.
When I listen to music that isn't good.
When I get angry with my mother.
When I return to that same sin again and again.
When I curse others
When I say I hate my father, because for some time, I did.
Because I've been broken from a very young age, ya rasullallah.
And it only got worse when I would see fathers loving their children.
When I would see fathers loving their daughters, cradling them as they cried and being patient with them.
It always hurt me so bad, until I became numb to the pain.
But you, oh rasullallah, you were the first to mend my heart.
The first to pick up the pieces that were smaller than single grains of rice.
The first to bring such laughter to my life that wasn't a means of comfort or shock.
You made me laugh because I was at peace.
You're teaching me things I should have been taught by my father.
So forgive me if I may view you as one.
I always read stories of you and Fatima RA. Of how you treated her, of how you loved her and her children.
She was the world to you, as you were to her.
Can you show me what it's like to have a father in Jannah, oh messenger of god?
Can you hold me in your embrace?
Can you show me what it's liked to be loved by a man?
But no, you've already showed me what thats like. You've showed billions of people throughout history what thats like.
If it wasn't for you, my prophet.
If it wasn't for my god creating you and sending his message through perfection, I fear what I would be like.
I fear what I would mistake as love.
Love is not gift-receiving, nor is it only marrying for the sake of children.
Love is drinking from the same cup.
Love is praying together and making dua for one another.
Love is sacrificing for one another in the name of Allah.
Love is following your sunnah.
Love is raising your children with patience and love.
Love is fighting for each other and laughing together.
Love is studying this religion together.
Love is dragging each other to paradise.
Love is finding each other through Allah SWT.
It took me so long to learn what my religion is.
I never got the chance to take my shahadah, since I was born in this religion.
But I want to take it now.
Because I've discovered this religion now.
And maybe I need to do it with a sheikh, but for now.
La Ilaha Ilallah wa ashadu anamuhammadun al rasullallah.
I bare witness that there is no god but god, and Mohammad is his messanger.
And I've learned that love, is Islam.
As always, ask questions here.
