Finding Me

THREE

Once the light goes out for bed I just lay there, waiting for my opportunity to go. The lights went out around 930am and currently it's around 1am going by the old clock on the wall. I finally have a chance to leave. When the guard on duty goes to relieve himself about 120am. I grabbed the backpack I brought with me never having unpacked it when I got back from seeing the doctor. As I head out of the room they had us in I look back seeing Cassie's dad watching me, he is going to get up and I shake my head no, telling him to stay. I hurry out I the school only almost getting caught when a guard turns the corner from the west wing unexpectedly.
I made it out of the school not soon after with no more close calls, that was way easier then I i feel like it should have been but I shake it off and head to the gate that was just installed when all this started. I pause one more time and think about Cassie and her family... What will they do? What will happen to Mazi? Will this place be safe for them? I do not know the answer to these question but I do know that it will be safer for them here then it will be for them out there.
I decide I need to get as far from here as I can while it's still dark. I head back towards my house knowing that the neighbors had gone on vacation for the week and aren't due back til tomorrow. I make it there in what seems like no time and make my way to the back door using the gate on the fence in the side yard. I pause at the door remembering a scene from the Walking Dead series where they go to search a house and knock on the door frame to draw anything out or have it make noise inside. Knowing that this is a good way to not get jumped I knock on the frame. When a few minutes go by with no noise or anything on the other side of the door I try the handle. It's unlocked. Pushing the door open I hesitantly stepped into the empty house, it's dark, dark dark. Taking out my almost dead phone I turn on the flashlight and find myself standing in the kitchen. The yellow walls reflect the dull light from the phone very well lighting up the whole room. I spot a backpack on a hook next to the door 8m next to a dumb it out. As the papers float to the floor I step over the grade 3 math book and move to the cabinets over the large square sink. I vaguely note that this house is much nicer than the one next to it. As I grab the cans of food and any non perishables I see I think about Bill and how to tell Conner what is going on. At first I'm so lost in the task and my thoughts I don't see the black shadow moving next to the wall connecting to the family room, then the low growling starts. I freeze thinking that it sounds just like Bill before he tried to eat me. I slowly turn around clenching the can of pea I had just grabbed in my hand. In front of me is what used to be the Burmens rottweiler they had, I thought they had taken him with them. Apparently not as he continues to growl at me, I'm frozen I don't know what to do. The thing growling at me used to play fetch with me every weekend end. We would go on hikes together, the Burmens would pay me $5 for taking me with me when I would go hiking. Bill would always make me buy beer with it but that's not the point. I loved this dog. Now he does not look like the Rocky Iv known since he was a puppy, his once shiny black fur is now patchy and dull . His eyes are dark back just like Bills. This doesn't make since the only person who would have been in here to get to him would be the dog walker Everly and I remember seeing her at the school. I slowly hold my hands out in front of me and go to step back but run I into the counter. He continues to growl, his breath is like stale blood and pus. He sniffs and stops growling, in a blink of an eye he shoots forward clamping down in my arm I barely had time to throw in front of my face. I bit back the scream that is bubbling up my throat thankful for all the broken bones, and bruises Bill gave me in the past. Panicking I don't know what I'm doing all I know is I want him off my arm. I bring the can clenched in my hand down on his head. Nothing happens, so I do it again and again and again.
, I keep doing it til we both fall to the gangnam tile floor , even then I keep hitting Ricky in the head with the pea can. I'm crying at this point there's dark red almost black blood running from the dent in the hole that used to be black and brown fur around his eyes. I bring the can up one more time to hit him but my arm is shaking and my hand has gone numb the can falls from my hand and rolls across the floor,leaving a trail of blood behind it. He's not moving. I cry harder realizing what I have done. I have taken a life, yes it was just an animal but it was a life nonetheless. My mom always said that any living being is part of a balance . I never understood what she meant til this moment, covered in his sickly blood I weep knowing that even if the world is somehow fucked everywhere not just the middles of no where Missouri I did something that I can never take back. I sob even harder knowing this will not be that last time I will have to kill to survive.