I never made u choose because I knew what u were going to choose from the very beginning
I could never win Sam
I never stood a chance
I never did
(at this point, my tears were falling non-stop and i was shaking. I couldn't even talk straight without hiccuping and choking from my own tears
I was surprised Sam could still understand meShe tried to come to me to hug me but I gestured to her no,
Shaking my head desperately
Knowing that there was still more that I had to say and if she hugs me now, i would just lose myself in her hug and lose my will to continue talking)M: I know this isn't an excuse Sam, but I was so desperate!
It hurt so much!
It was unacceptable leaving u Sam!
She wouldn't even allow me to contact you Sam!
(I heard a growl from the background and I knew it was from Sam.
I tried my best to ignore her obvious look of rage and pain and focused on continuing)
I didn't know what to do!
How could I just disappear on you like that?!
How could she even think that I could afford to?!
Leaving u was torture enough Sam and now I had to let u go completely?!
It was too cruel Sam!
(I was almost hyperventilating at this point and I was nearly shouting but I still kept Sam at a distance.
The absence of Sam's warmth was excruciating, because she was all I needed right now!
I was so desperate to run to her
I wanted to hug her
To kiss her but knew that I couldn't)M: I thought of a thousand ways to tell you that I needed space.
but I just couldn't do it Sam!How can I say it and make u believe it?!
I wasn't even sure if I wanted u to believe it because that was the last thing I wanted!
Deep down I was hoping that u would find out Sam, so this could all be over
U said u knew me the best right?
Then how could u have believed me when I said that I wanted to leave u?!
(I said that a little too forcefully and was feeling guilty. I didn't want to blame Sam. This wasn't her fault. It's just being vulnerable sucks!)
I want u to know that I was losing my mind Sam!
I just couldn't keep it together!
I was so desperate!
So insecure!
I didn't know if you would still be waiting for me when I came back
Or even if you waited, would we still be the same?!A lot can happen in a couple of years Sam!
We've been together for even less of that!
I didn't even know if I could ever come back!
I didn't know if I still had you to come back to!
I was constantly haunted by thoughts I couldn't get myself away from
All I knew was your grandmother hated me and wanted me away
I surely thought that she will use our time apart to introduce u to new people and I didn't want to doubt your love for me Sam but I wasn't thinking straight at that point!
YOU ARE READING
GAP 3: FOREVER STARTS NOW
Fanfictionthis is book 2 of GAP 2: ROAD TO FOREVER if you haven't read that yet. I suggest u do first :) After going through endless trials and pain to find a way to be together, Sam and Mon now embark on another journey to find their forever in each other No...