Inside - Tom Kaulitz

part thirty - inside him

Nicky

I shuffled into Science, hesitating if I should even go in or not.

My heart was too hurt to even glance at him.

How did he feel? How badly was he hurting?

I knew already he had put the armour up, surrounding his feelings. He would act like he couldn't give a slight shit about us. He wouldn't care about the hurting inside of him when he would look at me, he'd brush it off.

I pushed the door open, warm air hitting my face.

My eyes fluttered open, everyone's eyes lingering on my presence. Lips flew open, hands moved to ears and dirty looks painted people's faces.

I shuffled to my seat, my vision focused on only the ground.

My backpack flung onto the floor as my feet pushed it under my desk.

"They're both here."
"She looks awful."
"What a slut."

Whispers flung about the room, bouncing back into my ears.

I had to sit in an hour lesson, ignoring what people said and then I could get out of here.

Get out of there and never fucking come back.

But, I couldn't do that.

****

I sat in class, staring into thin air.

God college was still fucking boring.

I started to look at people in the room, wondering how they truly felt about me now. I thought about the ginger girl at the front with round glasses who everyone mocked, she now despised me.

I wish she'd go missing again.

The boy next to me who always tried to ask me out, I imagined him going home and telling mommy about how he dodged dating a rammed out slut.

I wish he'd be swallowed by the ground.

I sighed.

"What's up Flicky Nicky?" He turned to me, whispering.

Stupid fucking mutt.

"Nothing." I sighed as shallow laughter rose at my response.

My head turned around, glancing at the back of the room.

There was a stranger at the back, who had black dreads. Except, he hadn't been a stranger before. I knew everything about him, how he use to play with his lip ring every time we talked or how his heart would speed up when I touched him. I had talked to his mum, and hugged his brother. Yet, me and him were complete strangers, humans with no connection to one another.

All I could do was look at him.

How handsome he was.

And now, he wasn't even mine to look at.

"Miss Monroe? Are you paying attention?" My teacher called out, looking over to me. People turned around, piercing their hateful eyes into my soul. I nodded.

"Okay. Anyways class..." She went on rambling.

What was the point of calling on me if you didn't have anything to say to me? In fact, why ever open your mouth to me when everything that comes out of it is useless?

She raised her voice, announcing a message.

"Next lesson, you will be with a partner... again. Working on another project. Please stand up and move to the partners I selected last year."

I didn't feel like moving out of my seat.

"Great. Well, better than being paired with Nicky." The boy who sat next to me said as he sat with the ginger girl at the front.

"Miss Monroe and Mr Kaulitz, please sit with each other."

I looked over to him to see him already looking. There was a blank expression on his face as he moved to our designated spot. I pulled out my chair and sat down.

"You may talk amongst yourselves, familiarise yourself with your partners." She said.

I put my face on the desk.

No snarky response came out of his mouth. He just sat, quietly as I kept my mouth shut.

Whispers of our names flew out of people's mouths as they realised who had been paired again.

I could feel his eyes lingering on me the whole time, but this time I couldn't do anything about it. Me and him were over.

"Nicky." The voice next to me spoke.

I sat up.