The notification for last chapters update didn't go through for a lot of people. So if you got this notification but didn't read last chapters, then go back <3
Unedited </3
Smith
A loud thought loops through my mind as I pace around the room.
Why did I eat so much? Why did I eat so much? Why did I eat so much? Why did I eat so much? Why did I eat so much?
My finger tips become clammy and numb with coldness as I fidget with my then. Every breath becomes harder to inhale with each step I take. I continue walking in a circle, hoping movement would ease my vicious thoughts. Or to ease anything, really.
However, at the moment, I doubt anything can free my mind.
Food gurgles in my stomach in the grossest way possible. Due to me not being able to purge, nausea overwhelms me. Guilt rises and I feel nothing but pure disgust for myself. I'm disgusting. I shouldn't have eaten. Why did I eat? Why couldn't I have rejected the food offered? By the end of this trip, I know I'll be 10 pounds heavier.
My chest tightens and dizziness hits me like a bus. I almost groan at the familiar sensation. I can't be having a panic attack right now. Too many people are in this house. Why is this happening?
Purging everything in my stomach would calm me down, but I can't do that. These walls are too thin, and anyone could walk into the room at any second. Tears prickle in my eyes, freely running down my face. Wet marks form on my glasses, and I don't care enough to wipe them.
I dig my bitten nails into my palms, hoping the sting will provide me any sort of comfort. Unfortunately, it doesn't. The only thing that can provide me comfort right now is being able to empty my stomach.
In the midst of my panic, I don't hear the door open. I don't pay attention to anything around me until a voice fills the room. "Mateo wanted to know if you-" Diego cuts himself off the second he notices my distress. "Shit, you okay?"
No. No. No. Why did he have to walk in here at this exact moment? Why did he have to come in while I'm crying and panicking over food? Why is this happening?
When I don't reply, Diego speaks again but in a softer and more genuine tone.
"Are you okay?" I nod, inhaling another large breath. The air touches my filled stomach, making me feel worse. "Do you want me to get Daya? She's out with Jade but-"
"It's fine," I interrupt, my voice no louder than a whisper. A heavy weight remains on my throat, as if someone is stepping on it. Crushing it. Stomping repeatedly on it.
Why can't I breathe. Why can't I breathe? Why can't I breathe? I can't fucking breathe.
Diego closes the door before walking towards me. My legs continue carrying me in a circle. I'm unsure if the movement is soothing me or making things worse. "Do you want to sit down?" I can't stop walking, and my hands won't stop shaking. "Smith, let's sit on the bed, okay?"
I'm unsure why, but Diego's voice soothes me. For a split second, I forget about why I'm even panicking and pacing. I nod at the boys suggestion while letting him lead me to the bed. His hand ghosts my lower back but never touches me.
But part of me wishes he did.
"Can I see your hands?" With a hum in approval, I allow the boy to touch my palms and the tips of my fingers. My hands tremble inside Diego's, but become warmer. He kneeds his thumbs against random spots, causing me to sigh at the pressure. "There you go, take a breath."
