𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

I ask you how you're doing
and I let you lie,
but we don't have to
talk about it
-Phoebe Bridgers

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

On Monday, I get a text.

At the sound of the notification, my heart drops to my stomach, as it has done every time for the past three days. It isn't from Tenny, but from Pip. I set my bag onto the floor, outside my room, and swipe over the message.

Pip: Tenny is here. He's asked if you could stop calling. He's fine.

Blood rushes behind my ears. My head feels foggy, just at the mention of his name. He's fine. He's at Pip's house: the apartment with the grumbling man laid up in a recliner. But he's okay—and he doesn't want to speak to me...

I tell myself that part doesn't matter, because he's okay.

And maybe he doesn't want to talk to me, but it's not because he's angry with me, or because I said anything wrong. It's just how Tenny is. It's how I am. It's how we are—avoidant.

I unlock my dorm room.

Khalil is inside with Frankie. They're in a heated discussion, as they often are, so I try to make myself scarce. I turn my back to them, move quietly, busy myself with the books on my desk. But I can't tune them out.

"Then why is it such a big deal if I see your phone, then?" Frankie huffs.

"Because you should trust me," he argues. "It's an invasion of privacy—if you don't trust me, just say that."

"Maybe I wouldn't have a problem trusting you, if you weren't so secretive with that stupid phone!" She's shouting, and he starts stomping across the floor. The door swings open; it slams shut. It's quiet.

When I look over my shoulder, it's only Frankie in the room with me. She leans against the closed door, her hands in her hair. I give a soft smile. "Trouble in paradise?"

Frankie groans. "You could say that again." She drops to my bed, lays onto her side to stare at my face. "It sounds silly to complain about it to you, with everything going on in your life."

I shake my head. "No, please give me all the details—I need the distraction."

She rolls onto her back. "He's a dumbass," she groans. "Like how are you going to basically cheat on me, and then expect me to never question your loyalty, again? He's always on his phone, hiding the screen every time I look over his shoulder."

I nod, but then frown. "Are you sure you want to be with someone you can't trust?"

She whines. "But I love him, Vio—I know that I shouldn't, but I do. I just wish he wasn't so fucking stupid, sometimes." Frankie throws up her arms, they ruffle the sheets as they fall back down.

And I understand what she means. You can't control who you love. Sometimes that love just sticks, even after things have went south. It's hard to separate your head from your heart, and it's so easy to be blinded by love.

"I know the feeling," I say.

Because even though Tenny has hurt me, so deeply, the only thing I want is to see him again. I want his hands in my hair and my head on his chest. I want me to be his, and I want him to be mine. I love him, even if he makes mistakes.

✩ ✩ ✩

The bookstore helps busy my mind. I focus on book titles, sorting and organizing—I don't think about anything else. I don't even realize Ash is beside me until I hear them speak.