All The Good Things

Chapter 19 - "Ash, will you just hear me out?"

Ash burst through the door of the bar and out into the night. Her hands still curled in tight fists, she started heading left but stopped and switched directions, unsure where she wanted to go. She wasn't sure what she was doing. She wasn't even sure why she felt so mad.

All she knew was that she was mad and she was mad at Zach.

Every single fiber of her body seemed to vibrate with anger and no matter how hard Ash clenched her fists, she wasn't able to contain it. This overwhelming feeling was making her mind go blank and lose all rationality. It was infuriating and only strengthened her overall anger.

"Hey," someone called behind her.

She turned towards the voice and found Zach walking towards her.

"Stop," she said, holding out her hands so he wouldn't come any closer.

"Ash," he said as he ignored her warning and continued to walk towards her. "What are you doing?" His tone was light.

"I said stop!" she said firmly, moving backward with every step he took towards her.

He stopped moving towards her. "Are you mad?"

His face showed concern but she knew it couldn't be genuine if she could so easily read it.

"Am I mad?" she shot back. "Why don't you tell me since you're the CIA trained mind-reader."

"You're mad," he said.

"Yeah! I'm mad!" she said loudly. "Why?" She didn't give him a chance to respond. "Because you think it's okay to disappear whenever you feel like it and just leave me waiting for you to decide when you want to talk to me again."

"Ash, I'm right here," he said. He said it like she was acting crazy.

"No!" she shouted, pointing an accusing finger at him. "You aren't here. The moment Cal made that stupid comment, you left mentally and that infuriatingly calm look came back on your face. And the crazy thing is, I knew you would leave before I even looked at your face. You always leave. At frisbee football, I made that remark about Jason's mom and you stormed off."

"Who's Jason?" he asked, but Ash kept going like she hadn't heard him.

"At the comedy club, they made some off-handed matriarchal joke and you left. This is how it goes. Something sets you off, and you disappear. And I'm left all alone. Waiting."

"Are you talking about my invisibility powers again?" He smiled like she was talking about an inside joke of theirs.

Something about his easy smile broke the anger inside of her. He never smiled like that. The smile meant he was really gone.

In truth, she had known it the moment Cal had made the remark about his mom. She hadn't been able to put it into words before, but now she could see a pattern.

But why was it making her upset? Why did it matter if he disappeared for days? Or weeks? Her father used to stay out all night and Ash would go to school not knowing whether he was alive or dead somewhere behind a bar.

People let you down. She knew that better than anyone.

She clenched her fists tighter. She did know that better than anyone and had spent most of her life building a wall between herself and everyone else, and yet somehow Zach had gotten through that wall. Or else she wouldn't care when he left. She had given him too much power.

This was her fault.

She released her fists and her hands fell limply by her sides. She looked at him, at every curve and divot on his face, searching for something real, but every angle was perfectly in place to reveal nothing. There was nothing for her to connect to.