SAMS Reversed AU. Season 2.

Special Chapter: Diary #12, #34

Wasn't expecting this innit? :D

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#12
Dear diary,

Today I trained even more. I didn't take some time to rest and eat or sleep. I just trained and trained until now my bones feel like jelly.

Maybe by doing this, I can make my mother proud? Maybe she'll be happy for once, maybe she'll smile at my direction for once. A genuine smile.. that, I hope it is.

She hit me twice today. I got a big bruise on my cheek and one on my wrist. But compare to the other bruises and times she would hit me, this isn't even the worse. Infact, this is more than less. This is an okay-ish to me.

It hurts. Mom told me to not apply anything on it or roll a bandage around said bruised area. I'm not sure...I remember mom telling me that it'll make me weak and dependent on said medicals.

Also, I hate big brother. He sold me out to mom today when I tried to take a bite from one of the cookies in the jar she stored away. She hit me for that reason ofcrouse. Big brother was smiling all the while. I wonder what I did to him to make him smile at me when I'm being hurt by mom..

Anyways, I'm writing this because I do not have any other things to do. Normally I'll just lay on my bed before I go to sleep but today I wanted to write something in my diary before I go to sleep. I know that no one will read this but it feels better to let out some of my struggles to something.. even if it is not alive that is.

Oh- and also. I had this weird dream yesterday. I can't remember what it was, but I remember seeing myself stabbing over and over again someone who looks like my mother. But he's older than me and he looks crazed out. I'm kinda scared. What if that person will be me? Stabbing mom? I don't want to hurt her.. she's the only one I got besides brother.

Without her I'll be somewhere in the junkyard, scrapping away to my death.

She told me I was a mistake, I was just an error. But if I was, then why didn't she let me rot to my death in peace? I don't get it.

Mother also says that if she hits and stabs me- she loves me. It hurts -.. I don't understand why could that mean as if she's loving me unconditionally. But she says that.. so maybe what she says is true?

Maybe? I do not know. I want to know that someday. Maybe when I grow up and when I get my own chance to show love to someone either my brother, maybe I'll hit and bruise them to show that I love them.

Maybe, I'll finally get the feeling of what mom feels when she hits me. She always seems happy and amused when she hits me... I've never felt those feelings before. Maybe..I can feel it someday? I just can't wait to feel that feeling!

Maybe..I can't hurt mom? Maybe then I can feel that feeling what she always feel? Maybe not to much until she does ofcrouse..bleeds to her death. No. I won't let someone whom I love wither away because of me.

I'll take sweet care of them.

I swear by my existence.

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#34
Dear diary,

I killed her.

It wasn't that much of a big deal. She was screaming at me again. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to feel that fresh, warm blood trail down my wrist to my hands. I wanted to see her wither away in pain as her life flashes before her eyes.

Looking so delicate and fragile.

Looking so worn and unrecognizable.

Looking so dead. Beautifully dead.

Beautifully dead while her forehead trails off that crimson colour of danger and beauty.

I wanted to see her jolt in pain and cry out in anguish and horror. I wanted to see her bleed to her death while she struggles oh so pathetically against my grip. It'll be a thrill, it'll be an amusement. Ohh, it make me feel so much better than how I used to feel.

So I did it.

I stabbed her again and again and clawed a hole in her stomach. I wanted her dead for good.

She doesn't deserve to die a peaceful death.

I wanted to feel that same thrill she felt when she kept hitting and bruising me. I was just to curious.. to fed up with her antics. Maybe I even killed her because I loved her- I'm not sure. I didn't feel love. Not to her atleast. Not to her- I could never feel anything towards her.

Brother wasn't here- I wouldn't even call him my brother anymore. He just... Disappear. I tried looking for him but I couldn't find him, which made me wonder,

What do I do now?

Mother..oh yes. She grew me up. She taught me things ..things which she said will be for my good. What was it again? Oh yes, training myself some self defense, magic tricks and ot more. Without her I was nothing.

Without her.. I'm free.

I'm free.

Finally free.

Now.. time to do something which I was born to do.

Oh yes..what was it again?

Yes..world domination. Here I come.

ㄚㄖㄩ尺 ㄥ|ㄒㄒㄥ乇乃尺ㄖㄒ卄乇尺

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Again...

Feed me your theories!!! >:DD

--- 932 words.