feelings

ｅｙｅ－ｃｏｎｔａｃｔ

𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐:  𝙼𝚢  𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎  𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚎  𝙰𝚕𝚕  𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚎

"How I wish that I was good at eye-contact like you. Tell me why, though. Why is it my weakest point? Or is it because I just can't hold it with you. I can stare back at anyone that's looking at me. 

Anyone but you.

Tell me why. 

Why are you so good at holding eye-contact? 

Is it because you do it often with every other girl? Is that why? 

Are you so used to making girls nervous with your beautiful, brown eyes? 

Or is it because you genuinely like me? 

Why are you doing this to me?

Why are you giving me mixed signals? Why can't you just make your hints more obvious, if they even are hints? Are you staring at me because I'm the ugliest person you've ever seen? Or because you like making people nervous like that? Do you think it's funny? You think it's funny to give someone signals even though you don't like them? Or are you being genuine? 

Do you really like me?

I know that I'm over analysing a simple thing like eye-contact. Everyone looks at each other. It's a normal thing. But why do I feel like our eye-contact is something different? Simply looking at someone doesn't mean anything. But why do I feel like there is an entire story behind those eyes? Maybe I'm delusional. Maybe I'm psychic. 

But only for you. I'm psychotic for you. I'm insane for you. I'm delusional for you. I see a future with you. I feel love within you. 

The things you make me feel are indescribable. The butterflies. The love. The nervousness. Everything. You make me feel special. You make me feel like I'm not ugly. You make me feel like I can be loved even with such looks. You make me feel like I actually have a good future ahead. 

But you also make me feel insecure. You make me feel insecure because you're beautiful in and out, whereas I'm only beautiful from within. You make me feel judged, because your friends don't seem to approve of me. And I know. I shouldn't need friend validation, because if you really like me, whatever your friends say shouldn't matter. But I can't help it. I hate being seen as ugly. Not just ugly by you, but everyone around me. Including your friends. I don't want to believe that if we ever became a thing, people would be judging us, because someone like me is with you. I don't want them to think; "how is he with... her?"

Nonetheless,

I'm in love with you. Very, very deep in love with you. Even if you don't feel the same way, I've been feeling this way for the past years. I will never get over you. Never,  until I see you getting married in the future. Never, until you do something so crazy that I have no choice but to get over you. Never, until I find another guy that makes me feel even more butterflies than you did. 

Never, until I find someone with a nicer heart than you.

Never, until I find someone better looking than you.

Never, until I find someone better with kids than you.

Never, until I find someone that makes me feel more loved than you did. 

Never, until I find someone with a better personality than you.

Never, until you find someone better than me.

Never, until I find someone as good at eye-contact as you."

-how I feel when he looks at me

This one was a short chapter, because I didn't really have anything else to write about eye-contact. I'm not sure how to explain it, but have you guys ever had so much in your head, but when you want to say it or write it, you just lose the words? Yeah, that's kind of what happened to me in this chapter, because I started writing it, thinking I had so much to say and it became a short chapter.

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