Just Friends

chapter 5

As I delve further into the story of how I managed to ruin my life in one night, it's starting to feel more like a weight being lifted off my shoulders instead of a drawn-out explanation. By the intense look on Ma's face, she seems pretty invested in all of it so far too. So I continue. Ask her, "You ever seen something for the first time, and then all of a sudden, you start seeing it everywhere?"

She squints her eyes and searches the ceiling for an answer. Once she finds it, she shrugs. "Sure."

"That's how it was," I say. "With Elliot, I mean. That's how it was with Elliot."

Because if there's one thing I knew for sure, it's that I'd never seen him in the halls of Langham before. Ever. But after that day. After he stared me dead in the eyes and called me 'cute,' it was like I couldn't escape him. I swear, walking to class, from class, hell, even washing my hands in the bathroom, his mere presence would pop up to remind me that he thought I was cuter than some shitty drawing of my ex-girlfriend.

I remember one time, through the school bathroom mirror, our eyes held a very brief meeting. He was already looking at me before my eyes decided to meet his, and after he finished washing his hands and flicking away whatever water remained, he shot me a little nod. No 'hey.' No 'what's up?' Just—a nod. Which stunned the hell out of me because he was acting like he in fact did not just call me 'cute' the other day. And it seemed like, with everyone else, he had so much to say anyway.

He was a walking magnet, to say the least, and the pull he had on everyone around him amazed me—especially the pull he had on Ivy. And so that silly question I had of where Ivy could possibly be during lunchtime was solved. She was bound by Elliot's magnetic force.

But then new questions bombarded me. Questions about Elliot and what exactly made him so—magnetic? Was he funny? Or just charming? What about him made him so—likable? That made everyone want to be around him? Be him, even?

Questions such as these were like a scratch I couldn't wait to itch, and in this case, it wasn't until the very end of third period that I could get any sort of relief due to a pop-up quiz.

For the entire duration of class, everyone remained silent albeit a few coughs here and there. But then as soon as the bell rang, Mrs. Himelfarb clapped her hands. "Time's up!" she said. "Leave your tests where they are and have a fabulous day."

Chairs scooted away from their respective desks and each student began chatting up another.

I took a peep at Ash amongst all this chatter, taking note of the tense look on her face—the little furrow in her brow and her teeth gnawing away at her bottom lip. She seemed a lot more focused these days. I knew why. But she paid me no mind and instead took a glance at her phone before stuffing it in her back pocket.

I guess you could say I was a little nervous to receive some sort of answer to my questions even though the wait was killing me. I attempted to gulp away whatever anxiety began filling me up and cleared my throat, not even sure of how I wanted to word the questions I had.

"Can I—ask you something?" I blurted out.

Still beneath furrowed brows, she looked at me. "What's up?"

I opened my mouth again in hopes of words falling out but to no avail. I could feel the temperature in my cheeks rising by the second, suddenly too embarrassed to ask such stupid questions.

She clearly took note of this and chuckled. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I sighed, shaking my head, and in defeat with myself, said, "It's just—I don't know. It's stupid."