The tracks beneath the snow

Chapter Four: Rudolph

Okay Amelia, you have been taken. You've been kidnapped. You are in the trunk of a stranger's car. No matter how many times I repeat the words like a desperate mantra dancing on my lips, I can't accept that this is happening. How is this happening? Why is this happening? After everything I've been through? Surely the clerk at the gas station will notice when I don't come back for my photos and my car is still there. He will call the police and I'll be home to Bee and dad before I know it. Yet, no matter how many times I repeat these words in my head, I know I am in very real danger.

Only when I feel the car dance over the familiar bumps of the railroad tracks do I pull myself from my thoughts and denial and jump into action. Just outside of town, before you reach the highway, there is an abandoned train house. Coming from the train house are a set of tracks that break off about half a mile into the woods running perpendicular to a dirt road that continues further on out of sight. When I got my license, dad would let me take Bea to and from dance practice during the summer. In the month following mom's death, Bea was so lost and dad's newly found love of whiskey wasn't helping anyone. It wasn't that he was a mean drunk or treated us poorly, he just wasn't there. He was grieving too and it made me happy to be able to help my sister and give my dad the time he needed to pull himself together. On days when my dad hit the bottle a little harder, she and I would drive to the abandoned train house and walk the tracks in and out of the woods. Sometimes we would talk for hours and other times we would walk in complete silence. I would know these tracks anywhere as we had driven over them time and time again.

My heart begins to thump in my ears as I realize he must be taking me into the woods. For what? Is he going to rape me, kill me, cut me up and eat me? My chest and throat feel tighter as I try to swallow the bile that's risen up and is now choking me. Okay Amelia, you have to do something.

I'm fairly small at 5'2" and 125 pounds so even though I can't see anything, I am able to move around fairly freely. I begin to run my hands along the floor of the trunk feeling for anything I can use as a weapon. Eventually, my fingers graze something cold and metal. I am able to grab what I now recognize as a crowbar and I know I only have this one chance. As best I can, I assume a kind of squat position since laying on my back, I won't have the forward motion to help me.

I sit like this for a few moments while I try to calm my nerves. I can hear the muffled sounds of the radio and one of my favorite Christmas songs is playing, Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. I remember thinking to myself, how can such a monster like Christmas music?

"And how do you feel about Christmas music now?" Dr. Mara's word's break through my subconscious and pull me back to the here and now. "I don't know, I haven't heard it since that day." I responded honestly. "Would you like to listen to some now?" She rebuts. "Why is this relevant?" I ask. "Amelia, you have been kidnapped, sexually assaulted, lost your family and now you are being placed into witness protection. Until the man who hurt you is brought to justice, you will be interviewed, questioned and asked to relive the worst time of your life over and over. It is my job to ensure that you are supported through this and that your mental health and recovery are the priority. We can't begin to heal until we get to the root of our trauma. Let me help you to help yourself." Her words make sense and they are about the only thing that makes sense now. "Sure." I reply and before I know it, I'll be home for Christmas is playing on Spotify filling the room and I can't help but be thankful she didn't go straight for Rudolph.