Last Turn Home

Chapter 39 - Coming Undone

CHAPTER 39

CARLY

With Travis Mann on the payroll, things started running a whole lot smoother around the ranch and over the next two weeks I was able to breathe a little easier. My uncle and Dale still came around to help whenever they could, but I didn't have to rely on them nearly as much anymore. I knew they didn't mind – they constantly told me so – but I still felt bad every time I had to call them up for a favor.

John was doing great with his college work, but I could tell it was wearing him down, especially since he was also working part-time for Darryl's dad to try and help out with the bills.

"It's practice for all of those sleepless nights we'll spend feedin' and changin' Sara when she's born," he joked when I commented on his sleep schedule one night when I caught him studying his anatomy textbook at two in the morning.

"Sara," I mulled over his new choice of name.

"No?" he asked.

"I don't know. I guess it's cute..." I shrugged, making my way towards his seated position at the kitchen table and running my hand up and down his back. "Are you just goin' down the whole alphabet at this point? Yesterday you were callin' her Riley," I chuckled.

"You keep shootin' down all my name ideas, I'm runnin' out of 'em," John said amidst a jaw-cracking yawn.

"I liked the name Talia! You're the one that ended up decidin' you didn't like it," I argued, a smile on my lips. Talking baby names with John was getting ridiculous. We couldn't settle on a single one we both really liked.

"How 'bout you princess, what do you think we should call ya?" he asked, twisting in his chair to rest his hand over my bump. I adjusted it a few inches to the right and no more than a minute later the baby gave a nasty kick.

"Did you feel it?" I asked.

"Yeah!" he grinned excitedly, looking up at me with complete amazement in his dark eyes. There was another big kick and John's face lit up. "Damn, she's on fire tonight," he chuckled.

"She's missed her daddy's voice today," I smiled, wrapping one arm around his neck so that I could sit on his lap. I was a little worried I was getting way too heavy for this, but he didn't seem to mind. He held me easily with one arm and kept his other hand on my stomach. "So have I," I admitted.

"I'm sorry," he sighed.

"Don't be, I know this means a lot to you and it means a lot to me too that you're doin' somethin' you really enjoy," I smiled, running my fingers through his hair. He needed a haircut. "Are you comin' to bed soon?" I asked.

"Yeah, just a couple more minutes... I need to finish this chapter," he replied.

"Okay," I smiled.

March 11th was the third anniversary of my father's death and I was having a really hard time with it. I woke up that morning with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. John was already up and getting ready to leave for an early class.

I needed to be strong today and push my feelings down... at least until later. I had a private lesson with one of my boarders at ten this morning and in the afternoon a group of 3rd graders were coming here for a field trip.

At four o'clock, when John finally got home, he took me to the cemetery.

"Hi mama... hi daddy," I whispered, placing a bright yellow bouquet down in front of their gravestones. "I'm sorry it's been a while... I've been uh... busy," I said, glancing at John standing next to me, my hand in his.