To You

days like today

i was born deaf in my right ear

my mother hated it to see it

so ive never had my hair up

im used to it now

but when i was younger i didn't understand why i wasn't allowed to

as i got older i noticed i wasn't like everyone else

i mean i always knew i was hard of hearing but i never noticed i was actually different

i had started to notice in a large group of people i couldn't understand what anyone was saying

when i was nervous i would speak really low but i always thought i was speaking normal

i noticed i couldn't tell were sound came from when my parents called me from a different room and i couldn't find them

i once cried because that scared me

all my life ive been told many times i either talk to loud or to low

and i always try to fix it

but its hard when to me i sound normal

everything got worse

when i started to lose my hearing in my other ear

everytime i spoke i was loud and i didn't realize until someone told me to talk lower and i tried

i really tried

and thats fine

im fine being told to speak lower but only if you're nice when you tell me

because thats my normal

since i was young me and my brother never got along

i know siblings never get along

but the difference was it was my brother who would always look for something to call me stupid or to just say anything

even if i said something anything it can be the simplest thing ever and i get called something whatever he likes that day

his favorite thing to say

"stupid you're yelling"

now to anyone else thats nothing

but to me who who has been hard of hearing all my life

that means alot

because whats normal to me isn't normal for anyone

if he had just said i was yelling i wouldn't had cared

but of course he couldn't just say that

why do i get called stupid for something i can't even control

i never even realize

but always im always trying to

why am i stupid for that

ive always hated being different

ive never understood why i was born this way

whenever i was when someone i always tried to speak low and i always think im doing fine then i get told im not

and when im around my brother i hardly ever try to speak

because when i do i know im going to get called stupid

and ive never been wrong

all my life ive had limits

I've given many dreams up

im 18 and i don't have a drivers licence

and not because i can't drive

because i was always studying so ill pass

i did my best to try to pass

but when i go i get told

i can't take the test because im hard of hearing

because im a hazard for everyone else

what could i say to that

nothing because its true

whenever i go to a restaurant i hate it

because i always try to understand what my friends or anyone there talking to me is trying say

and the majority of the time i guess what everyone is saying

im always worried someone things im ignoring them

i used to hate asking people to repeat what they say because i worry im being annoying

ive always hated it when someone treated me different form everyone

yes im hard of hearing but it doesn't mean im an alien so i don't want to be treated like one

all i ask is to be understanding

i wish my brother could spend a day living like me because then he'll understand just how hard it is to be me

but he's lucky

because he isn't like me and in the end of the day he can be normal again

so whats it like to live like me?

imagine not having food balance

imagine always having to watch everything around you never getting a break

imagine always having to ask everyone to move to the side you can hear on

the simplest way to now whats it like to be me

cover one ear and try living like that for a day

when you'll know whats like to be me

its hard to be hard of hearing and im sure anyone else with any disability knows it hard

but one thing i always tell myself
is don't let what people say hurt you because they don't understand whats it's like to be you

but yet theres days like today when all day long you get told nonstop how stupid you are because you are hard of hearing or because you were loud when you didn't even realize and some how that makes you stupid