The Silent Deceivers

Chapter 9

Care Kid

 

This is when depression really started to close in on me. I began a self-destructive cycle. Anything possible to make the pain fade away even for a few minutes I would do. Piece by piece I began to pick myself apart. Just thinking about going into care had sent me into a downward spiral but actually moving into Oakley Care Home is what really made me fall down the rabbit hole and trust me I found no wonderland, just a never-ending pit of darkness and pain. I officially moved in roughly a week after their funerals. It was horrible. I remember my first night there. I arrived just after quarter to nine after seeing Martha. When I arrived I got reacquainted with Lisa and Andy.

 While Martha handed over my file, finished off paperwork and gave them an update on me, I went and sat in the bay window in the living room and that is where I stayed all night long watching the stars twinkle in the sky. In the early hours of the morning I watched the bright orange street lamps flicker out as the day began to creep in. I didn’t move when Lisa came in and said breakfast was ready and waiting on the Kitchen table, I didn’t move when Megan and the others skipped happily out the front door heading for school and I didn’t even blink when Luke came in hugged me and wished me good luck for the day ahead. I sat lost in thought about how bad my life had turned out and what a horrible person I was.

Every hour or so I heard footsteps stop at the door. I never turned around. I knew who it was and what they were doing. After they plodded away down the corridor for the eighth time I lifted my head from my knees and studied the room I was in. I saw a picture on the mantelpiece of all the residents at Oakley. I cast my eyes over each one; there were a few I didn’t recognise. My eyes lingered on the last two people in the picture; the four blue eyes pierced me. I felt a shiver run down my spine.  As I gasped in shock the picture slipped out of my hand and into a thousand pieces on the floor. I had totally forgotten that Aden and Roxy were residents of Oakley even if they didn’t always live there. I burst out crying and slid down the wall to join the fragments of glass on the floor. It was as if the glass represented me and my emotions, all over the place and shattered into pieces.

I managed to clear all of the pieces up without leaving too many cuts on my hands before I was called into a meeting at about half one to discuss how I was adjusting to life in care (I hadn’t even been there one day) and my new school Bridgewater. I was given information about the school and the staff, we discussed the work, the people, and the uniform and when I was going to start.  It was decided I would go back three weeks before the summer break so I could figure out my new school and so it wasn’t a massive shock in September. I was going back in a week’s time, so I had a week to adjust to one ridiculously huge change and then go through the process all over again.

Great!

After the meeting had finished I vanished into the quiet room and sat on the window sill. I pulled the curtains across so I was hidden. Only after I had sat there for twenty minutes did I realise that the sun was shining, so my silhouette could be seen from the other side. I let out an exasperated sigh and jumped down.

I hatched a plan to head into Andover and meet up with Abby and Grace. I told Lisa that I had to collect some things from my old school and would she mind dropping me off. She agreed but told me that I had to take the bus back because she was heading off to a meeting and that I had to have my mobile on and with me. I un-willingly gave her my number; I didn’t want to be found. I didn’t want to be in care. I felt trapped. There were so many things I couldn’t do.