I Couldn't, Not Anymore

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Freedom of speech, remember that.
***

I didn't stop believing in God because I'm lesbian,
I didn't stop believing in God because I was lost,
I didn't stop believing in God because my church wronged me,
I didn't stop believing in God because I didn't like getting up early on Sundays,
I didn't stop believing in God because I wanted to make a grand jester,
I didn't stop believing in God because I was dealt a shitty hand,
I didn't stop believing in God because I knew I was already damned,
I didn't stop believing in God because he kept taking the people that meant something to me, from me,
Though all these reasons would be justifiable in at least one person's eyes, these were not my reasons,
No, I stopped believing in God because I was tired of believing in something that never gave me a reason to believe,
Maybe I wasn't praying hard enough,
Maybe I wasn't doing it right,
But I couldn't sit at the end of my bed every night begging and bartering and pleading and wishing, for things I knew, I just knew, were never going to come true,
Because patience isn't one of my virtues,
But this,
This,
Made trust one of my vices.

***
I don't know why I wrote this, just something I've been thinking on. Okay then. Oh and don't hate me.

Kisses <3

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