Diell Breaker (LGBT- Sci-Fi - Romance)

Chapter 22

Chapter 22 

Petrov tried to think of ice cold showers and dead baby animals. He had to end this, fast, before it went any further. He spoke again, as calmly as he could. "Captain, I'm asking you to get off me, and let me leave. Seriously, stop for a minute, what would you think if you came into this room now and saw us?" He made himself lie completely still, waiting for the Captain to realise he was in earnest that he wasn't playing a game or leading him on. If this didn't work he wasn't sure what he would do. 

Farrell stared down at him, growing a little angry. What was he talking about? He was thrusting into his hand even now ... well, maybe no, he wasn't, maybe it was his own hand doing all the work. The question Petrov had asked him slowly sank into his brain and he looked around, blinking, taking in the sight of Petrov's wrists trapped above his head, held tightly in one strong hand, while his other hand ... 

If he came into the room and saw two men like this, still in uniform, it would look like the senior man was ... well, forcing himself on a junior officer. He would have the man on top dragged off and under arrest in two seconds. He looked down properly into Petrov's face and saw plainly what he had been trying to tell him. He didn't want this. He wasn't going to suddenly smile up at him and say, "I really love it when you take control like this," before spreading his legs. The passion was all one sided, the stark reality, that he was forcing himself on a junior officer. 

He withdrew his hand as if he had been burned. Reality crashed in like a bucket of cold water to the face. God what was he doing? Everything he had been most vocal against. He felt a lump of ice growing in his chest, even as his face burned hot. For a split second he wondered wildly whether he should finish what he had started, after all he had already done enough to end his career but he couldn't do it, not now. Frantically he tried to defend himself, it wasn't his fault, Petrov had led him on, let him think he wanted him, but he knew it wasn't really true. It was too much to handle. He shut his eyes, wishing the ship would open up beneath him and suck him out into space. 

But no such luck, when he opened his eyes he was still there, lying on top of a half naked Petrov, a disaster of epic proportions now spiralling out of his control.  

"I'm sorry," he managed to force out the words through a throat which was as dry as dust. "I misunderstood ... I made a mistake." The understatement of the year he thought rather hysterically. 

He got to his feet and straightened his uniform, giving Petrov space to do the same. He couldn't think what else to say, the consequences were already jumping into his mind one after the other. He'd totally blown any chance of getting Petrov in his arms again. What was more, he'd abused his position unforgivably, he knew he didn't deserve to continue as Captain. Even though he hadn't actually raped Petrov he'd still done enough to warrant formal charges, in fact he would probably be lucky to remain in the patrol at all. Perhaps he should simply offer his resignation to Colonel Young now. 

Unaware of the dark, worst-case-scenario place the Captain's thoughts had taken him, Petrov refastened his uniform, hoping that the Captain would have learnt a salutary lesson from the experience. The senior officer in a shipboard affair had to be particularly careful to make sure his attentions were welcome, he couldn't afford to leap to wishfulfilling conclusions. 

Maybe they would have to talk about this later but for the moment he just wanted to leave, to reach the safety and seclusion of his own cabin. For a while there he had been not exactly frightened of course, not really, but worried that he wasn't going to get the Captain to stop. 

"Uh, Captain? You'll have to let me out. The door's sealed." 

Farrell started as if he had forgotten he wasn't alone, lost in a private hell of his own making. "Of course Lieutenant," he replied formally as he deactivated the privacy seal. 

Petrov went out, careful not to get too close to the Captain, it would probably be best to make sure he was never alone with him again, for both their sakes. He couldn't think of what to say right at this moment, so he kept quiet. It honestly never occurred to him that the Captain would assume he would lodge a formal complaint, as far as he was concerned a heavy pass had got out of hand but he had managed to deal with it. It was a matter between the two of them, and would hopefully stay that way. It would be best if Shehu for example, never knew anything about it. 

XXX 

Jake Farrell spent a sleepless night, tossing and turning. He kept going back over the events of that evening, unable to believe he'd done what he had. He didn't think he had actually hurt Petrov during their struggles but there was no way he could possibly ask him now. What he had done had been bad enough in any case.  

He groaned for the hundredth time. All his life he had only ever wanted to be the Diell's Captain, he had no desire to work on a planet or even on the space station Capella and he didn't want to give it up now. However it was now exceedingly unlikely he would have a choice, the only question being, was it better to jump first or wait to be pushed?  

He would have to talk to the crew, tell them he was an om, but would he have to tell them what he had done? If he resigned, he might get away with "personal reasons" to explain his decision, at least until the word got around, hopefully after he had left the ship. If he waited for the formal process, there might be a trial, even if he pleaded guilty. He pictured his crew sitting there, listening to the damning testimony, watching him fall apart. He shuddered involuntarily, no that would be intolerable, better to resign quietly, try and minimise the fallout. 

He would have to tell his officers something more though, they had to know what was really going on, or at least his First Officer did. Eriksen and Nguyen could probably be kept in the dark like the crew. He had a good professional relationship with Shehu although he couldn't say they were close friends. Nevertheless, he realised he would have to tell him what had happened, he couldn't just leave him blindsided to deal with the mess.