All that Glitters is not Gold: Reviews by jonbrain

Darkness Girl: Trickster God by Sam_McGregor

So, this was actually the first thing that I ever read on Wattpad. I was drawn by an interesting cover, a eye-catching description and the fact that it had won one of the Wattys, the 2014 contest specifically. Looking back on it now, one phrase in particular stands out in my memory, and I think that it basically sums up the entire book. That phrase was "standard issue katana."

I have so many problems with this phrase.

First of all, I should probably tell you a little about my background. I grew up sword fighting. I know how a sword works, from two handed swords to one handed, from sabers to longswords, from katanas to foils. When I talk sword fighting, I know a thing or two.  And I know that I might get some hate for saying this, but the katana isn't all it's made out to be.

There are three things to recommend it in my mind. First, katanas are the best sword in the world for a quick attack out of nowhere. You can draw it out of its sheath and make a kill in one motion, which is unique in the world of swords. So if you're attacked on the highway, and an enemy raises his sword to make a kill, you can thank your lucky stars you have a katana to defend or counterattack with a single motion. There's a martial art called iaido that utilizes this trait.

The second is that it is a curved sword, which means it has less of a bind. A bind happens when sharp swords clash; the edges cut into each other and the blades stick together. Curved swords don't do that as much as straight swords, and I like that because I'm not used to binds.

Third, katanas are beautiful. I cannot deny how epic they look. The only sword that might be better looking is the Chinese jian, but that's a debate for another time.

Beyond these three things, one a very specific situation and the other two personal preference, there is nothing at all to recommend katanas over other swords. It doesn't have the reach of a longsword, the mobility of a saber, or the speed of a smallsword. Shortswords and broadswords would be paired with shields, which would make the cutting action of a katana useless. Japanese steel used in most katanas wasn't much better than European steel; samurai had to carry multiple blades into battle in case one of them snapped (I'm not counting the Emperor's sword which was folded constantly for twenty-six years at a time and can cut through live bullet fire, which is a thing, I'm talking about the ones samurai actually used in combat). I would choose any of the aforementioned blades against a katana in combat, and a handful of others as well (rapier, shamshir, Ulfbert, langschnett, highland broadsword, basket-hilt broadsword, messer, etc.). The only time you want a katana is if you've been ambushed, and that's a rare occasion (unless you're the folks who designed the katana in the first place).

But that's not my only problem. If something is "standard issue," that implies that it's mass produced. That implies factories and industry. And factories and industry imply chemistry and physics, which imply that people understand gunpowder, which implies guns. And if you're able to mass produce katanas, what in heaven's name is preventing you from mass producing guns? Why would you choose katanas over guns? Why would you choose katanas over any other sword? Why does this world include standard issue katanas?

The answer is, I'm afraid, because katanas are cool. And I say this because surprise attacks aren't featured or important in this story, because the existence of massive cargo liners and functioning helicopters confirms my suspicion that guns could be real, and because the author does not tell us that he wants to avoid a bind. This is a world in which looking cool is more important than being effective or logical. That's why I think this phrase perfectly describes Darkness Girl: Trickster God.

Is there necessarily a problem with that? No. Independence Day is a stupid movie that only wants to look cool, and I love it. But Darkness Girl?