All that Glitters is not Gold: Reviews by jonbrain

Nerd in Disguise: Blood Bound, by lystrandra

So I have a confession to make. I'm sort of between reads right now. Most of the stuff I'm reading on here is being written as we speak, and I have opinions on a lot of it, but since it isn't finished, I can't review it. And doggone it I need material! So here is something I started reading some months ago, stopped because I realized much better stuff existed, and finished recently because I needed to murder some minutes.

And let me tell you right off the bat, I wasn't a big fan.

Basically, Nerd in Disguise is the story of Shay Ricca, the vaguely young adult daughter of Giovanni Ricca, notorious mafia boss. When the book opens, Shay is "undercover" at an elite prep school in the middle of nowhere in the California mountains. I use air quotes because it's not the word I would have chosen; she's actually hiding there for her own safety.

You see, the Ricca family is the most powerful mafia family in their region. They rose to that position of power through a lot of intrigue and violence, and now they run large territories in and around Chicago. The key to that power is information, top secret blackmail that they gathered for years against the other families. That information is stored in a vault that, as far as the other families are concerned, may in fact be little more than a rumor. And the key to that vault is with Shay Ricca.

Why does she have it, you ask? Well, she stole it out of spite. Always a reluctant mafioso, Shay's patience with her cold, domineering father runs out when his suspicion turns on her mother, his wife. There's a new family in town, you see, named the Acerbis, and someone has betrayed the Riccas' secret vault of goodies to them. And now, they want the Ricca's power, and they're willing to kill to get it. Giovanni Ricca, a paranoiac (as I imagine many criminal overlords are), suspects her mother. Fearing for her safety, Shay's mother flees, and Shay, fueled by an impulsive Italian rage, flees with her, and on her way out, steals the key to the vault. And so the hunt begins; two mafia families. One Skeleton Key, the key to power. A family destroyed by gang war. And it all comes down to this

As I describe this, I am immediately struck by how cool it sounds. I'm looking over what I described right now and thinking to myself, "I would so totally watch that as a Netflix show!" Think of where we could go with this premise! Why did Shay's mother marry a mafia boss? How did she raise Shay differently so that she despised her father for the monster he really was? Does she choose family loyalty, or revenge? And of course, how awesome will the action be? Unbelievable, am I right?

Sadly, it falls flat on its stupid face.

Allow me to introduce Jacob Smith, the hot new boy at her school (yes, we're going there). There's something suspicious about him, specifically his interest in Shay. She's cleverly disguised herself as an ugly nobody, but he immediately shows interest in her. After doing some digging on her own, she finds out that he is in fact the son of the director of the CIA. And also a field operative. And super hot. Turns out, the CIA is having a bit of its own internal turmoil and Jacob is on the run too, and wants Giovanni Ricca's help.

Now, I've said before, I'm actually okay with cliches and tropes, so long as they're used well. Throw a hot boy into the action with Shay, and I'm on board. He can even be related to some sort of intelligence background. But Jacob is not the right hot boy. He's a boy with his own agenda, his own contacts, his own mission that we don't even get to see most of. In a story set up like this one, the hot boy should play second fiddle to Shay Ricca. She should be the driver of this story's action. But Jacob doesn't play second fiddle, he tackles Shay to the ground and tries to steal first fiddle from her. He fails, but on his way, he snaps that same fiddle in half. It's too bad, really. It was a nice fiddle.

Now, before I rip this story apart, I want to clarify something. I've noticed recently that many authors on this site don't write seriously. In my last review, the author kindly joined the conversation and mentioned that he (he? I apply the gender neutral in case I'm wrong) had written Against the Tide mostly as an exercise in world-building, without as much attention to plot. It was also intended to be as more fun than literary. It was written without so much a grand plan as a "what comes next" mentality. I suspect Nerd in Disguise was written with the same intention. I don't mind that; what else is Wattpad for if not for some fun writing? And the question that surfaces in my mind is this; should I criticize something written for fun the way I would criticize something intended as a serious artistic expression? One wouldn't criticize Independence Day, my all-time favorite stupid movie, the same way  that he would criticize Arrival, would they?