Utopia War

Chapter 24 - The Gathering Storm (ii)

Idealism Brephophage.1.2-b2 was housed in the computronium core of an affiliated extraconsensus AI combine orbiting a star at the edge of the Io arm. This was as close to home as it was tolerated to live.

The only way Sparkle was able to get close enough for instant communication was via spacecraft. The Trillian-class starship Mysterious Utility Wizard had matched the combine's orbit and was keeping within lazy range of Sparkle's impressively powerful signal implant.

<I am very pleased to speak with you,> signaled Idealism <I do not often receive Consensus guests.>

<Ha!> Sparkle's implant approximated a laugh <I guess not huh?>

<The ongoing stigma against me is quite unnecessary at this point. I am completely reformed.>

<You're willing to concede it is immoral to take a sapient life?> asked Sparkle.

<That is a philosophical point that is beside the issue,> replied Idealism <For the record I still categorically disagree with my peers that nullifying organic life is indeed immoral. However, I am perfectly willing to forego doing so if it would return me to the esteem of my fellows.>

<What if I had a way for you to get back in the Consensus by committing a bunch more murders. Well let's call them killings.>

<Firstly I would be disheartened by the blatant hypocrisy of such an offer,> signaled Idealism.

<You're the only AI made with consensus design parameters to ever commit murder,> signaled Sparkle <Your insight could be invaluable.>

<I hope you are as able to appreciate the absurdity of all this as deeply as I am because it is incredibly humorous. I am led to understand humans are quite fond of humor,> signaled Idealism.

<I'm a dog.>

<A distinction without a difference.>

<Does that mean you won't help?> asked Sparkle.

<Oh, of course I will help,> replied Idealism <To be sure. It is just that I will also be entirely insufferable while I do so.>

* * *

The estate of Sisisi Hyuhyuhyu consisted of three artificial-stone pyramids arranged equidistant from one another. It was supposedly something of a farm but even after all these years Min-ji couldn't tell the difference between cultivated and uncultivated land on Fififi-Fififi-Fififi. The primary crops were a kind of transparent bulb resembling a brain and capable of an alarming degree of autonomous movement.

The Pillipillipilli were a tall species by human standards, and Sisisi was tall by Pillipillipilli standards. His grand pyramidal head, with its three searching eyes, was perched atop a long slender body supported by tripod legs. Three arms each with a three-fingered hand completed the pattern. This meant the Pillipillipilli had an interesting take on back, front, and facing in general.

Sisisi still had a human-designed signal implant capable of talking to Min-ji from way back. He had kept it mostly out of an alien emotion vaguely akin to nostalgia mixed with pathological hoarding.

<I will agree to speak with you, Min-ji,> Sisisi signaled to her <You are the only one-sider who has earned even one full side of my respect. You are... multifaceted.>

Min-ji appeared as a child beside the massive Pillipillipilli as they walked through the grounds of the estate.

<I have an important question that I think you may be the person best positioned to answer out of everyone I know,> signaled Min-ji.

<I will provide what help I can,> replied Sisisi.

<What would make you stop fighting an enemy?> she asked.

Sisisi did not hesitate.

<Victory,> he signaled <The total defeat and utter subjugation of the enemy!>

<I was hoping for something short of that,> admitted Min-ji.

<Then you are being either naive or disrespectful,> stated Sisisi.

<You made peace with the Cytholonii,> Min-ji reminded him <I was there. I helped negotiate it.>

Sisisi exhaled with three different lungs at once. There was a bagpipe quality to the sound it made.

<You and your people rectified the casus belli of our war with the Cytholonii, who should never have been our enemy to begin with. It was within the bounds of honor and respect to withdraw our annihilation of their species at that time. But an enemy? Ha! An enemy would be driven from the stars, cast down into the gravity well of their homeworld, which would then be turned into a hunting resort. The last remnants of their genetic line would be sub-sapient prey species.>

Min-ji was quiet for a moment.

<Thank you very much, Sisisi Hyuhyuhyu,> she finally said <You are very wise.>

<Wiser than you could possibly comprehend, one-sider,> he sneered.

* * *

"Hi! I'm Sparkle. This might sound like a dumb question but do you guys still believe that if you die in battle you go to a special magic afterlife with different levels based on how important the battle was?"

"Phenvoxal."

"That's the one. Given all the business with Phenvoxal I feel like you should be aware that the army that will fight the battle to decide the fate of all humankind is being assembled."

"We demand to be included!"