Terrestrial Alien ✔

Chapter 30: Talk to Him

Seth

When Joshua stumbled into my room, I didn't know what to do. I'd almost been asleep, drifting again in the boat of my bed and just sort of thinking of... nothing really.

Then he'd barged in and I'd almost had a heart attack. I hadn't been expecting him, since I'd told Nurse Romera I couldn't see him at the moment. She told me she could keep him out. I guess she couldn't hold that promise...

Then again, it's Joshua. He's rather... abrasive. It's hard to keep him from doing something if he's set his mind to it. I can't really blame Nurse Romera for not being able to hold him in one place.

I guess it's my fault then, for not being ready to see him yet.

I'd tried to explain, well, us to Nurse Romera, because she'd asked. I'd tried explaining what we are to each other, and how we'd ended up in this situation. It's been the first time I'd tried doing so for a very, very long time, I think. I haven't talked with someone at length about Joshua and me since Rebecca, and that was... a long while ago.

Nurse Romera had listened to everything in pensive silence, sitting in a chair she'd pulled beside my bed. When I'd finished, she looked at me with that same stiff little line between her brows and the disconcerting frown pulling the corners of her mouth down.

Then she'd said, slowly, as if afraid to even suggest it, "Maybe... Have you ever considered that... You don't have to love him?"

"What?" I whispered. The concept was like a forgiven object to me, and I struggled to comprehend what she could possibly mean. "What... What do you mean?"

She'd shifted uncomfortably in her seat under my gaze, and when she looked at me, her expression was overwhelmed with a baffling sympathy. "I mean what I said: you don't have to love him. Do you know that? Because..." She sighed, then pulled her lower lip up to worry between her teeth. The line between her brows deepened, and she brought her hand up to place on the bed beside mine.

"Seth," she said softly, "this thing between you two, it doesn't sound healthy. For either of you. And... it doesn't really sound like he loves you as much as you love him."

It was like a punch.

"He does." I insisted immediately, staring at her with shock. "He does."

Her expression twisted into a grimace. "If he does, then... why are you here?"

I opened my mouth to push a response at her, but none came. I was frozen, unable to find a good answer to her question, and the realisation burned worse than any of the wounds on my body.

"I..." I croaked, my voice suddenly sore. "I... don't know."

Nurse Romera had to leave me then, and she told me to think about it, and to rest. I hadn't known what to make of what she'd told me.

I tried to sleep, but it never came. Not before Joshua had rushed in.

Seeing him had so many thoughts rushing in on me where previously there'd been none. I was simply petrified. Part of me was relieved to see him. The other part of me remembered the fire and the baseball bat and Nurse Romera's tentative words.

Maybe he doesn't love you. I'd thought as I'd seen him.

But then, he was there. His cheeks were flushed and he was breathing heavily and he just looked so relieved.

Did he not love me?

I'd never felt like this, this confusion. I'd always been so sure that of everything that could possibly change and go wrong in my life, Joshua never would. I'd always been sure that I'd had him, that he'd always be mine, even if he wasn't happy with me right now. Even if he wasn't ready to be back.