Fallen Angel [Bellamy Blake]

Chapter 15: HAUNTED

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I COULDN'T SLEEP. EVERY TIME I CLOSED my eyes, I saw Atom gasping for a breath. I saw his crimson blood spill from the wound I made.

Then there was the plethora emotions running through my head at once. I was overjoyed that Jasper was alive, still in pain from my leg, and in emotional distress from having killed Atom. My chest felt like it was going to implode from the intensity at which it was beating.

"Hey," a deep voice says in the dark.

I jolt upright, reaching for the hidden knife in my boot and pointing it at whoever was in my tent. With how much my hand was shaking I doubted I looked intimidating at all. The silhouette slowly becomes clear as my eyes adjust to the dimly lit space, now making out the distinguishable features.

"Bellamy?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yeah," he answers. "Put the knife down, will you?"

I stuck the knife back in my boot and look at him in confusion and slight panic. "Did something happen?"

He pauses for a moment, hesitating. "Uh, no. I, uh, was looking for Stella's tent. Wrong tent."

"Wrong tent," I concede, allowing the annoyance to drip with each word.

Bellamy stays in my tent for a moment longer. "Are you okay?" he asks in a hushed tone.

"Fine," I reply dryly but as the words leave my lips I feel a small sob in the back of throat threaten to break. I take a deep breath, hoping to hide any sign that might indicate that I was lying.

He hesitates again, searching my face for something. I was grateful that the darkness concealed the tears that stained my cheek. Seeming to accept that I was telling the truth or simply not wanting to push me any further, he gives me a small nod before dipping out of my tent. If there was any hope of getting sleep before that interaction it was gone now.

I laid back down, glaring up at the roof of my tent in annoyance.

I wasn't able to find sleep until the sun began to rise. Which meant I only got a good hour of sleep at most before Clarke burst into my tent in the early morning. Immediately, I sensed that she didn't just drop by to check on me. The shuffling sounds of her feet hurrying to my side made me groan and cover my head with my jacket.

Will I ever get a decent nights sleep?

"I'm sorry, Kat." Clarke fumbles, her voice two octaves too high.

The alarm in her voice catches my attention. It was something I had only heard once before from Clarke. She was the epitome of a person who is 'calm in even the most stressful situations.' The only other time I had heard her speak like this was when she was trying to figure out how to save her dad.

I pull my jacket aside and sit up to look at her. My heart stops as I meet her crinkled eyes. The tears pooling in them made her blue eyes seem to glow hauntingly. Her lips quiver as she tries to formulate the words in her mouth. She had always been so good at keeping her emotions buried and putting on a brave face for everyone else. Whatever she wants to tell me must be terrible. Dread consumes me at the prospect of what that something was.

"Clarke," I say forcefully. "What's wrong?"

She shakes her head, looking up before closing her eyes tightly. In a voice barely above audible, she whispers, "He's dead."

My heart constricts at her words. Who? I thought, but I couldn't bring myself to ask. I was too afraid of losing someone else so soon. I just stared at her, my blood rushing in my ears.

"I found him." Clarke continues, her voice slightly stronger although her breathing is uneven. "In the woods, the Grounders killed him."—Clarke's eyes widen, a crazed look taking over her features. Her voice became higher in pitch, and she begins speaking more rapidly— "Oh god, he's dead. I forgave him last night, and now he's dead. I didn't get the chance—"

"Clarke," I cry, fear in my voice. I know deep down who she was referring to, but I needed to hear his name. Even if everything in my core was telling me to close my eyes and go back to sleep because if she says the name aloud it would make it real. "Who?"

She stares at me with sadness in her eyes.

"Wells is dead."

I quickly learned that grieving is a luxury on Earth—one I could not afford. There was no time for it. Especially when it seemed that the people around you, the people you love, have a high risk of dying at any given moment.

After Clarke told me that the Grounders killed Wells, I went to see his body for myself. I prayed the entire walk over that they had made some kind of mistake. That they had confused someone else for Wells and in a few minutes Wells would come out of his tent and ask me to go on a water run with him.

I didn't know if I could handle seeing the body. Clarke was even uncertain if I should go and repeatedly asked if I was sure about it. Octavia, Bellamy, and Jasper were all waiting by the body on the outskirts of the camp. Clarke sucked in a breath as we approached, glancing over at me to make sure I was okay for the hundredth time.

"Kat, no," Jasper moves forward, trying to block my view but it was too late.

There was no way to describe what I felt besides painstaking numbness. A lump forms in my throat that wouldn't go away no matter how many times I swallowed. I walk past Jasper, who holds his arms out as if to comfort me but I ignore them. I fall to my knees on the ground beside Wells' body, my hand immediately shoots up to muffle the sob that erupts from my mouth.

I close my eyes tightly, having a moment to take everything in— to process. But I didn't know how to. When I reopen my eyes my best friend was still laying on the ground, lifeless. A weight presses on my chest, threatening to suffocate me.

Goddamn it, I should have stayed with him. He asked me to stay last night and I left.

"Kat," Clarke mutters, breaking me out of my mental spiral. "We shouldn't stay outside the camp perimeter too long."

I stand up hastily, turning away from Wells' body. My chest feels like it was only growing tighter. Right, we still needed to build the wall and we still needed to survive ourselves. There was no time grieve. A veil seems to fall over my mind after Clarke says that, shielding me from any painful thoughts. I let out a breath. "Yeah. Right. Let's get back to building the wall."

"That's not what she meant. You can stay with him for longer if you need to," Octavia speaks up. She glances at her brother. "We can be on the lookout for Grounders..."

"No," I say too quickly and harshly. Not intending to snap at Octavia, I sigh making my voice softer to continue speaking, "it's too dangerous. We need to build the wall before—something like this happens again."

Nobody says a word to me after that. They let me buzz through my daily activities without bothering me or getting in my way. I was grateful for it. I don't think I could take another second of their pitiful glances. I kept plenty busy and to myself. I even denied Sebastian's company after he offered to be there with me even if it was just to sit in silence. I was grateful that he cared, but I needed to be alone.