Waiting for Raskolnikov

Part 2

Two huge men await me just outside the door. They're dressed as guards. I panic, and my heart drops into my stomach. I've been caught, I know it. Why else would they be here? It's not like they're trying to convert me to become a Jehovah's witness, that trend passed years ago. I slowly look up into their eyes. Their eyes—instead of being filled with rage, or even surprise at my bloodstained clothing—are filled with joy. I look at them in confusion.

"Who are you?" I say.

The one on the right says, "I'm Vladimir, and this is Estrogen—"

"ESTRAGON. It's Estragon. I swear, if you call me Estrogen one more time—do you think I'm some goddamn hormone?!"

"Well, maybe if you stopped complaining about your boot being stuck all the time...but anyway. That's not what's important here. What's important is—"

"Ok, ok, ok, I get it," I interrupt. "What are you doing in my apartment? This is private property, you know."

Vladimir said, "That's what I was getting to. You're Godot. We were told to wait for you here."

"Who's Godot?" I ask.

"You are," Estragon says.

"Ummm...I'm not Godot. I think you might have the wrong apartment."

"Well, if you're not Godot, then who are you?" Vladimir asks.

"I'm Raskolnikov. Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov."

"But who's to say you're not Godot?" Estragon said.

Vladimir said, "I mean, we don't even know who Godot really is. We were never given any description of him, so why wouldn't he be you?"

"Yeah, we don't even know if he's living or not. We were just told to wait here. That's all we know." Estragon said.

I've had it by then. "Ok, if you don't even know what you're doing here, and you don't even know who you're looking for, then get out! I've had enough of this. Out! Get out!"

Their eyes filled with shock. "Well, if you say so," Vladimir said. "I guess you're right. I mean, I didn't think Godot would come in covered in blood. Is there something you wanted to tell us, Raskolnikov?"