Dearest Punishment

Jude

I can hear the waitresses' footsteps stop short. Cringing, I turn around to see her staring at us in horror - but somehow, a different kind of horror than what it would be if she could see my sword.

Cardan's done something. He smiles at the girl from around me as she delivers the coffee with shaking hands, avoiding both of our gazes. "Waffles will be coming soon," she says harshly and then practically runs back to the kitchen.

Cardan's knife removes itself from against my gut. I sheathe my sword and turn to glare at him. "What did she see?"

He just grins. "Put it this way, dearest. I won't be showing her my eyes tonight."

My cheeks flush red, and I jump off the table before he can see. I need that coffee badly.

I pick up the glass as I slide back into my seat, and gulp down the hot liquid until my throat is burning. Black as the eyes of the king of Elfhame, Roach had told me once, in a diner similar to this one.

Cardan, eyeing me warily, reaches for his own coffee. He takes a sip and winces, which makes me hide a smile into my cup.

He waits until I've finished drinking before saying, "you're not going to listen to me, are you?"

I lean back in my seat. "If by that you mean I'm coming back to Faerie, than yes. I'll do it eventually, with or without your help."

He closes his eyes for a moment - eyelashes casting spiderweb shadows onto his pale cheeks - and asks, "can't you be happy here, Jude? I mean it. Someone like you should never have ended up in Faerie in the first place." His lips curl, but I think he's mocking himself more than me as he says, "you deserve differently than us."

I fold my arms. "It is years to late for you to tell me where I belong. I can never stay here, okay? I was too young when I was taken. I can't fit in with this world. So I'll do whatever it takes to survive in the other one."

My voice is shaking with anger. Anger at my choices being taken away from me so long ago. Anger for my parents, anger at everyone - human and faerie alike.

Cardan looks at me steadily. "Have you tried to fit in, Jude? You're adaptable." He smirks. "I have no doubt that you could scheme your way to the top of any hierarchy, in any world. If you give it long enough - "

"My answer," I cut in sharply, "is no."

Cardan sighs. After a moment, he pushes his barely touched coffee towards me. "This drink is disgusting."

My eyes don't leave his as I pick it up and drink it, savouring the bitterness. He watches my throat as I swallow, and then looks away, jaw working.

Cardan is no king tonight, I think. And I am certainly not acting like a queen.

I put down the cup and say softly, "you knew my answer, Cardan. Why did you work so hard to find an opportunity to ask?"

"I did know." He smiles without humour. "I knew you'd say no, but you'd drill me for information to find a way back into Faerie. Both of us are too proud, Jude. I would never help you, you would never give up." He meets my gaze. "I am sure that eventually you will find a way. And I will deal with you from there." He laughs, softly. "You're probably going to win."

"We want the same thing, in the end." I reply. "No war. And besides, you didn't answer my question." Which means, because he can't lie, he's hiding something.

"It doesn't matter what we want in the end," Cardan runs a hand through his inky hair, a surprisingly human gesture. "Faerie has no end. We'll be fighting forever."

"Answer the question." I stare him down.

He holds my gaze. "I think you already know the answer, Jude."

Something hot curls in the pit of my stomach. "You despise me."

At that, he laughs - properly. "If only that were true. Jude, if I hated you, I wouldn't have come."

I tell myself it's the coffee that's making my hands shake slightly under the table. Composed, arrogant Cardan is something I can handle. Cardan like this - open, unpredictable - is something I have no prepared defences for.

"I am tired, Jude." He says softly. "So, so tired of being a king. I never wanted the hard decisions. I wanted what you used to - to be respected, to be loved. Being a ruler is just madness. I must be back for yet another meeting of war negotiations, which will accomplish nothing yet again. There is no one I can trust - you, least of all now. But I'm not strong enough..." he closes his eyes again. "I'm not strong enough to leave you alone."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask, and my voice is much higher and more unsteady than I'd wanted.

"It means that I'm sick at us being at each other's throats all the time, and since we have eternity to fight - can we call a truce for one night?"

I stare at him. He's not serious. He can't possibly be serious. But faeries don't lie.

"What do you want from me?" I say, harshly.

"A break from your sword at my throat." Cardan smiles, slightly. "And I want to see some of the mortal world. It interests me more than I had thought."

I blink. Everything tells me to refuse, but the truth is - I'm tired, too. I haven't been off my guard my whole life. Maybe, I think, I can use this opportunity to get something out of him, when he's not interesting in fighting me.

But I know that's not the real reason that makes me agree.

I say, finally, "swear to it."

He smiles as if he's proud that I thought of it. "Of course. What would you like me to say?"

I choose my words carefully. "Say that - until you have left for your war meeting - you will not harm me or act upon me in any way unless I am willing. You can not harm or go near Vivi or Oak, either."

He smiles, and it's unnerving as I try to think through any loopholes I might have left. But I'm blank.

Cardan leans forward and says in a honeyed drawl, "Until I have left for my war meeting, I will not harm you or act upon you in any way unless you are willing." He smirks at that, and I flush red.

"I will not harm or go near Vivi or Oak, either. Are you satisfied?"

I'm about to agree just as the waitress returns with two huge plates of waffles, slams them down on the table, and leaves without a world.

Cardan looks down in delight. "Waffles. How strange."

And with his oath like a safe-guard around me, I let myself relax, just slightly.