Heart's Desire

Chapter Twenty

Charity could add embarrassment to her list of unpleasant emotions. She'd had to use the water closet many times since her illness began. This time, Julian had refused to leave her guest-chamber to give her some privacy.

"I can understand that you don't wish for me to fall asleep, but I'm not likely to sleep while in there." Charity tried to reason with Julian. But the stubborn man would not budge. The only concession he made was to wait for her to finish on the other side of the room.

Everyone else, including Wilcott, had gone to bed. They'd all been awake since the early hours of the morning to watch over her. Rogers gladly took over the duty of supplying Charity with fresh tea. Julian claimed to have had plenty of rest and shooed everyone else out of her room some three hours ago.

Charity's tired eyes tried to shut. Every time, Julian would awaken her. She wished she too could go to bed, but her husband refused to let her sleep. Instead, she sat opposite him, an end table with a full pot of warm water for tea between. He'd talked to her of his boyhood and his time in the military. Although he'd been open and answered all her questions, she sensed he held something back. It seemed to be part of his military past that he wished to keep hidden. While she was curious, she was too tired to spar with him mentally. He could hold onto his secrets, for now.

They'd played cards. Charity won sixpence from Julian, then complained to him about letting her win. He'd sworn he played the hands dealt, claiming he'd not taken pity on her in her sad state. No matter his protestations, she believed he'd let her win and wondered if it was a sign that he was coming around to forgiving her.

The hallucinations continued. Charity still saw things that seemed real but weren't there. In those moments, she wondered if she'd truly seen Georgiana standing by her bed in the dark of night. A beam of moonlight which had slipped through a part in the drapes limned the other woman's features. The vision happened not long before Mr. Bladen arrived to check on Charity's condition. Then, in the confusion of him entering with his candle held high, she'd lost sight of the woman.

Surely it hadn't been real. Ant had said Georgiana was in Scotland and Charity believed him. She chose to chalk it up to a bad dream.

That Julian had come back was something Charity was still afraid to believe, however. She thought he'd abandoned her yet again. The fear that he would never forgive her for the annulment was, unlike her hallucinations, real. Would he voice his condemnation after she recovered?

Just then, a mouse scurried from under the door to hide beneath Charity's chair. She tried not to react. Stilling her features, even her breath, she attempted to keep anything that could have been a vision to herself. Perhaps if Julian believed she was done with this most worrisome symptom, he'd let her sleep.

"Is aught amiss?" her husband asked, having seen Charity stiffen. Julian had very sharp eyes. He took note of even the smallest thing she was coming to realize.

Tugging on the cuffs of her night rail bought Charity time. She was ever conscious of the red marks her hallucination of beetles had left on her arms. "The thirst is still affecting me." Clearing her throat, she took a sip of tea. It'd cooled, but it was still liquid. This symptom proved that the poison remained in her blood and wasn't waning.

For a moment, Charity thought Julian would press her. By the narrowing of those Mediterranean eyes, he clearly didn't believe her deflection. Guilt welled, she felt bad for misleading him. Due to her lies of omission, she'd earned his mistrust. Since his return, she'd tried to be as open and honest with him as possible. However, she was exhausted and desperately craved sleep.

In the end, Julian gave a single nod and dropped his quiet scrutiny. Leaning forward, he grasped the teapot and poured Charity another cup.

"Julian," Charity said around a yawn, "it's midday. Surely enough time has passed, and I can go to sleep."