SHE(clexa)

Chapter 2: Part Two

Clarke seems unsettled and Lexa hates that it bothers her so much.

She's not been the same since Lexa woke up to her talking to her mom on the phone at one in the morning. She leaves the room when Lexa arrives from class or she shoves earphones in and disappears into a world of her own. Her face is always downturned unless she's with her friends and Lexa wonders if she intruded too much by asking her if she was okay. She wonders if she overstepped assuming that something might be wrong.

It really doesn't help that Clarke has come back to their room late and drunk almost every night for the past week and a half. Sometimes she lets Lexa help her but other times she just shrugs her off and changes out of her jeans to fall into bed. The times when she does let her help are the times when she's too far gone to care.

It happens more frequently than not. Lexa hates that Octavia and Raven just dump her in her room and hope for the best. She hates that Clarke only comes back on her own when she's had enough to drink that it's dangerous.

There's only one night that really scares her.

It's about two and a half weeks after the phone call and Lexa watches her quietly as she takes herself to the bathroom. She hears the toilet flush and the faucet start to run. She waits for Clarke to reemerge for a while but she doesn't. She expects for the shower to turn on, because Clarke's done that before, but it doesn't. It isn't until she hears a crash and a thud that she panics. She rushes for the bathroom door and calls Clarke's name over and over again. She decides she doesn't care what happens when Clarke doesn't respond. She opens the door and finds Clarke sprawled out on the bathroom floor.

"Clarke," Lexa says, approaching her carefully. There's a dumb smile on her face and Lexa kneels down beside her before checking her over. "I heard a crash."

Clarke chuckles. "I slipped."

Lexa pushes her hair from her eyes because it's habit at this point. It's the only thing she feels comfortable enough to do. "You should be more careful."

Clarke gives her a look. "We can't all be as sensible and put together as you."

Lexa ignores the comment and reminds herself that drunk people say things they don't mean. "You're going to hurt yourself."

Clarke starts chuckling and throws her arms out dramatically. Lexa catches them as Clarke almost hits her with a stray palm. "I drink to numb the pain!" she hollers and only laughs harder when Lexa presses a hand to her mouth. "You're so serious!"

"You need to go to bed," Lexa tells her, panicked and quiet. She's scared because tonight isn't like other nights where Clarke grumps around until she falls asleep. Lexa knows there's something wrong. "You need to sleep it off."

Clarke's head rolls as she turns to her with a sudden look of anguish. "But I'll dream about him."

Lexa frowns in confusion and starts to tidy all the things Clarke's knocked over to avoid the discomfort she feels. "Who? Your boyfriend?"

Clarke shakes her head and swallows dryly. Her jaw quivers when Lexa watches her. "My dad," she whispers. "He died four years ago today."

Lexa stops fussing and can't think of anything else to do than reach up and push the hair from Clarke's eyes again. She hates how fucking blue they are when she's like this.

"I miss him, Lexa," she whispers softly. She nods her head and her eyes are glassier from more than alcohol. "I miss my mom, too. She—she disappeared. Changed. Broke. I don't know. I don't know. She drinks a lot, too."