plaid shirt days & nights (when you made me your own) // niall horan au

part iv

Zoe arrived with one bag but now she's leaving with two.

She spends most of the morning gathering the belongings that she'd left behind when she first left while her father watches from her doorframe, a mug of piping hot cocoa waiting for her in his hands. At the time, she felt numb, like she was going through the motions on autopilot. And as much as she hates that term—because it always sounds like someone's refusal to take responsibility for their actions—in hindsight, her mind was truly as blank as ever as she collected her things.

Now, as her dad helps her load her bags and boxes into her car, her heart feels heavy in her chest. Leaving the first time around was easy because she was simply running away from her problems. This time, though, there's something tugging at her chest with every piece of her past self she takes from her childhood home. Zoe doesn't know if it's sadness or regret or defeat, but she can feel it swimming in her veins up to her heart and then settling like lead, weighing her down.

She's exhausted, and she doesn't feel like making the drive back down to the city, but she also knows that she can't stay here in this town where the memories of all of her mistakes hang heavy in the crisp air. Niall's face haunts her, his indifferent demeanor of their last meeting pricking at her skin. As she holds the ring box in her hands now, she thinks of the flash of satisfaction she saw in his bright blue eyes when he placed it in her hands before he left, she wonders if his way of being cruel was a bit too nice, but she shortly realizes that this way of his hurt the most. It would've been easier if he'd just spilled that milkshake on her head that night and left it at that. Instead he wiped her tears and slow danced with her and let her hold his hand only to turn around and act like it never happened.

How is she supposed to go on with her life now that the warmth of his touch is fresh and still lingering on her skin?

"Take care of yourself," comes her dad's voice though the haze clouding her mind. When she looks up at him, his eyes are glassy, and she starts to feel a wave of emotion well up in her throat that's threatening to spread out into the rest of her and she has to force herself to be brave. He pulls her into his chest for a hug and she can feel from the irregular thumping of his heartbeat that he's holding back tears. "And call me every once in a while, okay? I need to hear your voice to make sure you're doing fine."

That has guilt washing over her again. How could she be so selfish? How could she not see that she was hurting her dad and Niall and Maura and her friends in the process of trying to do right by herself? "Promise." Her voice is hoarse from disuse and she nearly cringes at the sound of it, but her father interrupts that as he pulls her into a hug.

"Just do the right thing, sunshine. And everything will just fall into place." Zoe swallows back a lump of emotion at the nickname. Her dad hasn't used it in forever, but Niall used to say it all the time and the memory has her vaguely remembering the other night and the warm side of her bed. There was something about it, something she can't quite put her finger on.

Zoe takes a deep breath and sighs it out, stepping away from her father and looking at her last bag on the ground near her opened trunk. "I should go." She doesn't want to stay here any longer. This town has her mind running in overdrive and she feels like crying all the time. Everywhere she looks she can see Niall and his sad blue eyes, every location bringing back old memories of time she spent with him there throughout the years, and she doesn't think she can handle much more of it.

"Aren't you going to say bye to Maura?" her dad asks, and Zoe sighs, letting her head loll back somewhat exasperatedly. "I know you don't want to but—it's only right."

And—okay, he's right. She's got enough on her guilty conscience to be adding to it at the moment. "Yeah. Yeah, okay," she says, but doesn't get too far with it before her dad is pushing her towards the house next door. Zoe looks back only to see him shifting things around in the car so everything will be able to fit and sighs. There's no way she's getting out of this one.