rising from the ashes || a hunger games story

chapter twenty-two

willow's pov

as we're boarding the train to go home, i can't help but think how grateful i am to see the train. i walk into my room on the train to find the teddy bear sitting on my bed. haymitch was able to grab it before we left.

the whole day on the train was spent talking about random things and eating. by the time it was ready to sleep, i was already in my room staring at the wall. i fell asleep pretty quickly.

however, that didn't last long. i woke up in the middle of the night gasping for air. ever since we arrived back at the capitol, i've had sleepless nights, besides the ones where i was in the hospital.

i found a random notebook on the nightstand next to the bed i was sleeping in. it was a red leather notebook that can get tied shut with a leather string. the middle of the string was glued to the spine of the notebook. then the string could be tied at the other end of the notebook.

i've been using the notebook to try to cope with the nightmares. i write a description of the nightmare on the back of one page and then draw the dream on the other side of the page.

i turn over to the nightstand next to my bed and grab the notebook and the pencil that sits on top of it. i hop over to the wall with the items in my right hand and grab the crutches. i'm still in these things and need to be for 2 weeks minimum. then it'll be decided if i can start walking normally again. 

i walk out of the room with the items in my right hand. i walk to the back of the train. i remember watching the sunset back here the morning we arrived in the capitol. 

i sit down at the very back on the couch. the crutches are laid on the couch in the area behind me. my feet are on the couch, my bad leg lays on the couch and my other knee is close to my chest but leaving enough room for me to place the notebook on my leg so i have a surface to write and draw on. i turn to the 3rd page of the book. right above the first line, i write the date in the left corner. i then start writing the description.

i hear my mother's voice but everything is pitch black. "did you have a nightmare? i have nightmares too. someday i'll explain it to you. why they came and why they won't ever go away. but i'll tell you how i survive it. i make the list in my head. of all the good things i've seen someone do. every little thing i can remember. it's like a game. you do it over and over. it gets a little tedious after all these years but there are much worse games to play." all of a sudden, i'm back at the frozen lake from the games. i'm at the edge and all six careers stand in front of me with evil on their faces. despite the lake being frozen, one of the careers pushes me back and i fall back straight through the ice. i try to resurface but the ice covers the surface. i bang at the ice, screaming but nobody can hear me. as i inhale the water, i wake up gasping for air.

i sign my name at the bottom of the page and on the other side of the page, i draw the iced surface near the top of the paper. i draw the water underneath the ice and in the water, i draw myself, screaming. i don't look up from the paper until the drawing is completely done. 

i guess i didn't realize how long i was drawing because i can see the sun rising. i tie the string around the notebook, closing it and lay my other leg down straight on the couch. i lay the notebook flat on my legs with the pencil on top. 

i prop my elbow up on the small surface that stands between the glass of the train and the back of the couch. with my elbow on that surface, i hold my head with my hand and stare out at the sun rising. 

i soon hear the door that leads to the back of the train open. i turn my head towards the door to see finn. "hey, i was wondering where you were, we're about to eat. what are you doing back here?"