Leap of Faith

23:50

I recoil in horror at this idea. There is no way that I can be that girl. Sure, Georgie may be the type and I know a lot of the girls at Capshaw probably were too, but me? I wish.

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I swear,” Theo quickly recovered as if he had hurt my feelings. “I wasn’t calling you a slut or anything like that.”

“Excuse me?” I felt fire in my cheeks at the accusation. Now I was feeling hurt. And angry. “I am not a slut.”

Theo tripped over his words before he settled on, “I know.”

Feeling the moment had long passed us by, I slid away from Theo and fell to his side, our shoulders touching slightly. Despite myself, I curled into him as he wrapped an arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder.

An ache started to pound my head and whenever I frowned, the dull pain spread. Seeing as I was frowning quite often now, my head throbbed. I frowned whenever I thought about Theo’s comment. I frowned when I thought about our kiss. I especially frowned at how we had found ourselves in this situation. There was so much intensity whirling inside me that I just couldn’t concentrate anymore.

I contemplated a little longer the idea that I could be the type of girl that makes out with a stranger in a closet. There were two things about that comment that was true, the first being that I did make out with someone. Secondly, we were in a closet. But crucially, Theo was not a stranger, at least not anymore. The last twenty minutes or so had proven that he wasn’t. I couldn’t say for sure that I knew him, but I did know him.

Girl logic. Worthless.

“I’m not that girl,” I mumble into Theo’s t-shirt. He pulls away from me slightly and I can feel his stare on me even though I can’t see it.

“You’re not?” He doesn’t sound so sure.

I shake my head. “I may not know who I am, but I know what I am not,” I try but only end up confusing myself with the cryptic words. “What I mean is, I can’t be the girl that makes out with a stranger in a closet.”

Theo laughs grimly. “Hate to burst your bubble, Catherine, but that’s exactly what you’ve just done.”

There was a strange undertone to his words, as if he was disappointed that I had cast him aside that easily. My hand finds his cheek in the darkness and I force him to face me. I pull him to me until we were just mere millimeters apart and I can feel his uneven breath against my lips.

“You don’t understand,” I whisper. “Maybe I didn’t explain myself correctly.” I pause to make sure that I have his full, undivided attention. “I cannot be the girl who makes out with strangers in a closet because, even though I am making out in a closet, it’s with you. You, Theo, not a stranger.”