Falling

17

Vinny Taylor

The next events blurred together like a fever dream. One moment I was staring at Carson's waiting lips, the next I let out a breathy "yes" and my lips were on his. A moment later we ended up on my bed, Carson on his back while I straddled his hips.

Part of me felt I needed this. I needed to stop resisting and allow myself to be close to him, no matter how frightened that made me. The other part knew I had lost my willpower.

Carson let me lead him and take charge. He laid back, moving his lips to the rhythm of mine. His hands rested on the sides of my thighs, unmoving, while I had a hand on the side of his neck and the other buried in his hair. A small sound of pleasure pulled from his throat when I tugged on his hair with my fingers.

I could feel his trepidation in the kiss like he was worried I would run away again. I tried to assure him I wouldn't through the way I kissed him, slow and smooth with a bit of urgency.

We continued like that for a little while longer until footsteps made their way down the hall and I sat up, my head snapping toward the door. I looked back toward Carson and rolled off of him with wide eyes.

"Hide!" I whispered, lightly pushing him as he began to sit up.

He looked around the room. "Where?"

I stood up and pulled him up to a standing position, pointing on to the floor and motioning for him to get under the bed. He crawled under the bed just in time for Logan to open my door and see me standing up and staring toward the doorway.

"Hey I'm going to order some food," Logan said as he swung open my bedroom door. "What do you want?"

"Doesn't matter," I quickly replied, overly conscious of Carson's body that laid beside my feet.

Logan gave me a strange look.

"Have you seen or heard Carson around up here?" Logan asked me. "Isaac said he had to call his mom but I have no idea where he is."

"How the hell would I know?" I was hoping Logan wouldn't notice my overly sharp tone, giving away my nerves and unease.

He sighed. "Never mind."

Logan stood silently in the doorway for a few more moments, and the longer he stood there, the more agitated I got.

"You can get out now," I said in a rushed tone.

Logan just nodded and shut my door as he left. I didn't let Carson out from under the bed until I heard my brother's footsteps heading down the stairs.

"That was close," Carson chuckled as he slid out from under the bed. I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"Too close," I told him, pushing on his chest to have him sit in front of me on the bed while I stood. "We need to make some ground rules."

Carson smiled down at my hand on his chest then back up at my face as I retracted it. A deadpanned expression hardened on my face as I stared down at him.

"Focus," I hissed, yet his smile remained. "First thing, we need to keep this quiet for a little bit. At least until we're sure this thing between us is actually working out."

"Well, yeah. I know that," Carson said with a chuckle. "I'm not even out of the closet yet."

I sighed. Right.

"Okay, second thing," I continued. "We need to go slow. I'm not– I just–"

I didn't know how to explain to him how vulnerable this situation made me feel without outright saying it. I had absolutely no experience with real relationships, and the more I thought about it, testing my ability to actually be in a relationship with the person who I had crushed on for years didn't seem like a good idea.