Soft Hawks X Reader Shorts

Worthless

Requested by @Shortyyy05

Your mood fell hard. Being alone with your thoughts took a toll on you and your mental state. Not to mention how angry everyone had been with you, annoyed by your presence and disgusted to even look at you.

This morning, you knew it wouldn't be a good day. Your mood was low and you dreaded the thought of leaving bed for work. And sure enough, you were right.

Your boss was angry and threatened to fire you for your incompetence and failing to meet deadlines. Your coworkers were annoyed by your mere presence because they now had to pick up your work that you failed to do. You felt their glares as you passed by at lunch and ate alone, knowing if you dared to eat lunch with anyone they would easily push you away. You didn't even notice you had spent too much time on your break and returned to see how productive the floor was without you. No one was being held back and everyone was working fluidly. Proving your existence in the workplace would only get in the way and cause problems that wouldn't have happened if you weren't there.

As you walked home, you saw everyone minding their own. With each step you made, you noticed how little difference you made in the world. It didn't help when you saw people you knew and thought you were close to eating lunch without you. And they all looked so happy. While you were left alone with your thoughts, wondering if you were wanted or needed in this world.

Did your puny existence have any effect to the people around you? Would your disappearance benefit everyone else? Were you worth the trouble of life?

You made it home and wallowed in your self-loathing. You saw Hawks' jacket hanging on a chair at the dining table. Was your presence worth being around Hawks? Would Hawks be better off without you just like your coworkers? Were you in the way of his life? Were you an obstacle for everyone to overtake and leave behind?

You trudged into the bedroom and changed into comfortable clothes. You slithered under the sheets and hid in there like a ball of sadness. You let your thoughts run rampant underneath those blankets and fill the spaces.

Your thoughts were stabbing your heart with each word. The ones that hurt the most were about Hawks. He meant so much to you, but what you hated the most was Hawks finding you a bother as well.

Suddenly, the covers were lifted and you see Hawks peeking. His face was etched with worry as he kneeled by the bed and reached for your hand. You reached for his with a shaking hand and he tugged you forward slightly to reach with his other. He wiped the tears you weren't aware of and he caressed your cheek.

"I've been calling for you, Babybird. What's on your mind?" He asked as his thumb carefully stroked your cheek.

"Am I worth living?" You asked after struggling to confess the dark feelings that were crowding your mind.

Immediately, Hawks pulled you into him causing you to fall on top of him in his embrace. His head hit the floor hard from what you can tell considering the loud thud, and you panicked to check on him but he held you tightly. His hand desperately cling to your shirt and a tight fist was balled on your back.

"What happened? Why would you think that? How can you say that?" He asked in a soft, careful voice that cried out to you, and made the guilt you felt even worse than before. Maybe you shouldn't have opened up to him, maybe this was a bad idea, maybe you've made a mistake again. How can you make him feel like this?

"No, I, nevermind, I'm okay," you lied under your breath and tried to get up. You thought moving passed this topic would be best, but Hawks wasn't budging.

"You're not okay. Please, we can't move passed this like it was nothing. You mean so much to me, and you don't even know how much you mean to others. How can you lie to me by saying 'you're okay', when you're clearly not? Please tell me so I can help you," he pleaded into your neck.

His words that sounded so broken and worried, persuaded you into confessing how you were feeling all day. How worthless you felt, how everyone would be so much better without you, how he would be better without you. And with every word, his embrace became slightly tighter, as if he were to let go, you would disappear right in front of him.

"You're not worthless. You mean the world to me... and whether you know it or not, you've made an impact on the lives of the people you know, even the people you looked at for a mere second." He whispered carefully as he finally sat up but didn't dare let go of you.

"I want you to tell me all the people you know, even if you don't remember their names... the people in your past, the people you used to know or thought you knew, every single one," he said as he rubbed your back.

You were confused as to why he suddenly said that. Why does he need to know? What was he thinking? Where was he going with this? Despite your confusion, you complied and listed off as many people as you can. Even the ones you thought you had forgotten, you named the people who fit Hawks' description and he nodded as you went on. When you finished, you could feel him smile again your neck.

"All those people, even the people you aren't in touch with anymore, you have made some kind of impact on their lives as much as they have to yours. Especially me... more specifically me," he said with a chuckle to the last statement. He finally pulled away to look you in the eyes as he said, "You have worth, and it's about time to realize it. Because the life you think is so meaningless, has brought so much into mine without you even knowing it."

He wiped another tear and kissed your cheek. "You have worth," he repeated. He kissed your forehead and repeated once more, "You have worth."

He kissed your lips and said, "You are worth everything."