Parker

03| Ikigai

0 3

I k i g a i

(n.) a reason for your being/existence. the reason you wake up everyday. 

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 We have to be greater than what we suffer.

– Gwen Stacy, The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

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THE NEW SPIDER-MAN TRAILER IS EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED AND ALL THAT NOSTALIGA IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY GOOD NIGHT

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Peter hastily slipped into his room through his window, already peeling off his mask. He then let out a small breath, pressing the spider emblem right in the middle of his chest, and watching as his entire suit slipped off him.

Scott kept him good company tonight, Peter knew that, but one of the reasons as to why it was so hard wearing the suit again, was because it was Tony who gave Peter that suit. Every enhancement, every change; every adaptation, every tweak – it was all possible because of Tony, it was all because of him. Peter started off with loose pajamas that he made a suit, along with a cotton mask that basically suffocated him.

Things were simpler back then, Peter thought, settling on his bed as he slipped on some boxers and any random shirt he could find scattered on his bedroom floor. Granted, Peter probably was such a noob back then – he didn't even have his webshooters then – but now, with all the things that happened, Peter realized that maybe things were better off that way.

It was three seventeen in the morning, but all Peter could think about was the endless possibilities of what he would be right now if Tony Stark hadn't walked straight into his bedroom and asked him to be a part of something bigger than Peter could've ever imagined.

At times like this, Peter would send a message to Tony's old number – it was probably gone at this point – but the service still worked, and there was nothing more painful than Peter scrolling down their messages, and seeing how it was only ever one-sided.

I'm sorry, Tony. I'm trying, I promise.

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When Aunt May kissed Peter's temple as she gave him a plate of pancakes the next morning, something in Peter's chest felt lighter – felt right. He woke up with the same feeling, and he freaked out – What's happening what's happening what's happening – and when Aunt May gave him a small smile, it clicked.

Peter was smiling more today, and Ned even noticed – Hey man, you seem better today – and Peter was able to answer two more times than usual in Mechanics. Peter ate all his lunch today, and he was practicing for Decathlon again, and god, if Tony wasn't gone, Peter would've thought nothing was wrong. It was as though something in Peter just switched – he felt it in him the moment he woke up – and now, he was trying to embrace it, rather than push it away.

Obviously Ned was all smiles and grins – I stan you so much right now Peter, oh lord – and Peter was laughing a little louder today, trying not to let thoughts of Tony consume him as much.

When school was done with, and after Ned vowed that they would both start on the Lego Death Star for the third time, Peter made his way to the little alleyway by Delmar's and took out his suit.