the prince and the pauper ; kubokai royalty au

17 ¬ say you love me ¬

Shun sat alone in his bedroom. He was refusing to leave, nor would he speak to anyone or eat. He was dismissed after Aren was sent away, and had stayed in here since, sat atop his bed staring lifelessly at his ceiling. He had no idea where they had taken Aren, because they wouldn't tell him, despite how many times he'd asked. They wouldn't let him see Aren either, no matter how hard he tried to push through the guards escorting him. Or how he loud he cried for him down the hall before he was whisked away.

But he wasn't crying anymore, no, he'd cried so much already that no tears would fall anymore.
Instead, his eyes were blank. He hunched into himself, clinging onto his knees. The last words Aren had spoke to him rang in his ears, repeating over and over.

'It's fine, Shun.'

He'd said those words, knowing that it wasn't fine. Knowing that something bad was going to happen to him, yet..in that moment, he still wanted to reassure him. But now, things definitely weren't fine. And Shun remembered what Aren had told him the day they first had met.

"I'm getting older, and I was destined for either more workhouses, or homelessness.."

He pictured it then. Aren sat on the side of a road, his clothes dirty, weak with sickness from the cold weather. Nothing but a thin sheet for warmth, no real food, no clean water, no place to go. Suffering.
And in his mind, this was all Shun's fault.

He wanted to break the rules, he was the one who wanted to get drunk with Aren, and pressured him to drink, even though he said he knew it would end badly. If he hadn't suggested the stupid idea in the first place, none of this would've happened. If he hadn't..- god, if only he hadn't fallen in LOVE with his servant, like a stupid, stupid prince.

But Shun had fallen so hopelessly for Aren.

So hopelessly that, every minute he wasn't by his side, he felt empty.

And every minute he was by his side, he felt as if he could do absolutely anything. As if they could do anything, so long as they were together. It felt like nothing mattered when he was there, like the entire world had stopped revolving, and it was just Shun and Aren. No labels of nobility or class were plastered onto them, holding them captive. Within this society, they were different, but.. did either of them really care?

Shun didn't care at all.

"I love him."

He suddenly whispered to himself, saying it out loud for the first time. The words felt foreign, slipping off his tounge haphazardly. There was nobody in this room, nobody near enough to hear him say it, but still, his voice cracked and wavered anxiously.

"I love him." He said it again, with more conviction this time, like a toddler trying to grasp a new word. And just at that moment, a thought came to him, and he suddenly stood up from his bed.

"If I really ..love him..- what am I doing just sat here?"

Shun left his bedroom. Not knowing where to go, not even knowing what he would do. He knew that even if he did find Aren, there would be no way he could get to him.
But still, he kept walking.
Court members caught sight of him, calling his name, tried to talk to him, but he said nothing in response. He walked on. His feet wouldn't stop. He didn't notice his own fingernails digging into his palms, piercing his skin. He couldn't make out any voices around him. He heard people talking, but it was incoherent, like his head was under water. His breathing was coarse and sharp, but he didn't even feel it. 

But what he did feel, though, was a hand grabbing him by the wrist. He heard a voice again. 

"Shun." A woman's voice. Hana. It was Hana. She was whispering urgently, her hand stopping Shun from walking any further.