Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: The Finale

Chapter 4 Tourist Trap

The escort for the Doctor had arrived at the Charon Excavation Site, currently overlooking it.

Sarge: Hm. . . It seems deserted.

Tucker: I've heard that one before.

Allison: They probably got the hell out the second we hit their base.

Emily: Or maybe they're at lunch. I'm hungry.

Tucker: How do we know for sure?

Ruby: Allison, give us a scan-

The Blue Soldier stood atop a rock that elevated him higher than the others.

Caboose: IS ANYBODY STILL HERE?!?!?

Everyone: Caboose!

Caboose: WHAT?! OH, SORRY! Uh, sorry.

Sarge: You big Blue idiot! You'll give away our position. *walks to the ledge* If you're here, just ignore that last bit!

Ruby: *facepalms*

Tucker: Nice save, Sarge.

Ruby: Allison?

Allison: Scanning-

Emily: Wait! I wanna try something. Caboose, can you tell Freckles to run a thermal scan of the base?

Ruby: He can do that?

Emily: We're about to find out.

Caboose: Oh, yes. Umm. . . Hey, Freckles?

Freckles: Yes, Captain Caboose?

Caboose: Oh, yes, er, Freckles, um. . . Could you go ahead and give me a thermal. . . sweater. . . to the base. . . thing?

Freckles: Affirmative.

The Blue Soldier aimed his Assault Rifle at the base and the scan began.

Tucker: Heat scanners AND Google translate, nice.

Emily: If you put the brain of a killing machine into an Assault Rifle. . . you don't cut corners!

Sarge: Did you give it control over the safety?

Allison: Please tell us you gave it control over the safety.

Freckles: Affirmative. Also, I heard that.

Sarge: Woah! *backs up*

Emily: Don't worry, my tests determined that it was actually safer to give Freckles full control of the rifle, rather than Caboose.

Ruby: You didn't need to test that to figure that out.

Tucker: How did you even test it?

Emily: I gave Caboose the rifle for about five seconds.

Tucker: Makes sense.

Emily: What a busy day at the hospital that turned out to be!

Ruby: Wait. What happens if he pulls the trigger?

Emily: It releases confetti and makes a fun party sound!

Said sound is what they immediately heard.

Caboose: Tucker did it. . .

They then found themselves right next to the enemy base, the Aqua Soldier exiting it and rejoining the others.

Tucker: Yup. The place is definitely deserted.

Sarge: We already knew that.

Tucker: Yeah, but I just wanted to make extra-sure. You know, for extra-safety. . . Oh look, you finished moving all of Gray's tools without me! Man. . . Bum-FUCK! Ow! What the hell?!