Destined

„I Don't Have To Understand Anything"

He stood silent, studying me with dull and empty eyes. He tried to stay strong and confident but I saw behind his mask of strength; he was afraid of a fatal blow. Of my rejection. His face showed guilt, remorse, fear, self-loathing. Pure misery. I couldn't feel empathy though, being overwhelmed by anger, betrayal and humiliation. While I was at the Laidir, fighting my ass off... Theos, I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to leave as fast as I could, leave this mess behind, clear my head.

„I am leaving." His body language changed immediately from slumped to allert. „Where to?", he asked carefully, his eyes never leaving mine. „Home", I simply answered. „I haven't seen grandfather since three years. He send me word, that he is alright and taken care off." I watched him closely. „Did you take care of him?"

He stood in front of me with a lowered head. "He is an old man, I took his granddaughter away, it was the least I could do", he muttered. „Thank you, I am very grateful", I answered sincerely. With one last look into his mesmerizing green eyes, I turned around and left slowly the maze, closely followed by Gaisgeil. 

As we walked in the direction of the exit gate, I saw a tall, uncommonly pretty pregnant woman standing there with a few other young women. She had blond long hair and deep blue eyes. In my state, I felt like a dirty mutt next to her. What left me puzzled was the intense stare, she was sending my way. Than her eyes drifted to the man behind me and her blank face blossomed with tenderness and love. With a bad feeling, I turned around. Gaisgeil was looking directly at her, their eyes connecting. It was weird and disturbing to be a witness of their intense moment. I huffed and rushed off. 

„Callida, Callida, wait", Gaisgeil cried behind me. „What?", I shouted angry. „Run along to your little pregnant mistress", I laughed venomously. „She is waiting for you". With a few steps he was in front of me blocking my way. „Please, try to understand...", „I don't have to understand anything", my cold voice cut off his plea. And than I left him speechless behind me. With a resolute purpose to leave, I walked straight ahead through the gate. With my horse in tow, I walked through the streets of the city to the district of the Deonnachd.

During the day the gates of our district were open but at night they were closed. We Deonnachd put a self-prescribed ban over our district at night. We were humans surrounded by predators, it was safer with closed gates in the darkness. Entering, everything seemed so familiar but at the same way strange and foreign. I grew up in Gordan, in this restricted area. Three summers away changed me. My mind and the way I viewed life had changed. I was no longer a helpless Deonnachd fending for her life, but a strong young woman searching for her path.

I would never commit it openly, but Gaisgeil made the right decision to send me away. I learned not only to use weapons, to harden up, be strong and confident. I learned also to be adaptable, persistent and to show endurance. Exactly these features would help me to overcome this situation...to make a decision and move on. 

I neared our house, stopping abruptly, a melancholic smile on my lips. Our crooked little house! As I took a few more steps, I watched a young woman leaving our house, turning around to the old man next to her with a friendly smile. It was Ailis. I watched with amazement the scenario unfold in front of me: she embraced my grandfather with a familiarity that indicated that they were very comfortable each other. 

„Grandfather", I croaked. Both heads turned in my direction with big surprised eyes. My grandfather's gaze instantly got watery. „Callida, minha filha", he called out in a weak voice. My heart clenched. My dear grandfather aged immensely. Gently I took him in my arms, letting him cry. „Callida, is this really you? I was afraid, I'd never see you again", he said, stroking my face tenderly. I let him shed his tears, soothing him like a child. 

Ailis watched us with warm sympathetic eyes. I sent her a grateful smile. "I'll leave you two alone, you surely have to talk about a lot". I nodded grateful. "Thank you, Ailis, will meet tomorrow?" She simply nodded and waved good bye. „Come grandfather, let us go inside and I'll make us a chai. 

I told him everything about my life at the Laidir, about their training, their healing methods and views. Than I explained what happened at the castle. Grandfather sighed deeply. „The Protos visited regularly. We talked about you as a child, about our family, his upbringing his perspective of life. I thought, he was my future grandson"... Grandfather's eyes became watery again.

„And than, one day, he came and confessed." He watched me wary. „I know, how you feel, filha. Betrayed and hurt. But don't act rush. Think about the perspectives. Anger is not a good counselor." I shook my head. „I can't overlook what he did, Grandpa. How could I? I would only hurt myself, if I give in. He send me away from you, to get tortured and ‚polished' at the Laidir. In the meanwhile he played family with his mistress." I shuddered. „It's disgusting. How can I ever trust him again. And what should I do? Search names for his child or organize a baby shower?", I huffed out.

My grandfather held my hand. „Sometimes you have to face deep sorrows and pain to get to a bright place, filha."

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Minha filha= Portuguese= my daughter

chai= in many languages= tea