Love Bait

36| Moment of honesty

Now that the adrenaline has begun to wear off, Jordan looks pale. He's standing by the window in my bedroom, shrouded in darkness, but the tiniest sliver of moonlight pools in through the shutters, feathering his face in a gentle sheen.

The last boy to enter my room was Ryan, and even that feels like forever ago. My room has always been personal, meant just for me, and now Jordan is here and I suddenly feel vulnerable. Exposed.

It's a feeling I'm not used to, and I have to turn away. There's this build-up in my chest, a pressure that fills up my lungs and makes my eyes prickle with tears. I have no idea why I'm so upset, but I can't seem to help it.

"We should try and get some sleep," I say, but neither of us moves. My voice feels thick, and I've never been so grateful for the dark.

Silence stretches between us. Despite the change of clothes, I'm still cold – so cold that the room would be completely still, silent if it weren't for the chattering of my teeth. I rub at my shoulders in a bid to stay warm, then let out a hiss as I brush something sore near my neck.

"What's wrong?" Jordan takes a step forward then stops, like he's afraid to get too close. His eyes drop to the arm I'm holding, but it's too dark to see. "Are you hurt?"

"It's nothing," I say. "Something hit me outside. Probably just a scratch."

If I could see his face right now, I imagine his eyebrows would be furrowed, his forehead lined with concern. He reaches into his pocket and gets out his phone, turning on the flashlight. He rests it on the table beside us, face up, illuminating a fraction of my bedroom in light.

"Let me see," he says. He doesn't wait for a response, he closes the distance between us and gently pulls me closer, inspecting me like he's a doctor. His thumb gently brushes the cut on my neck, making me shiver again. "It's a surface cut. You'll be fine."

I nod because it's about all I can do right now, but he doesn't drop his hand. Instead, he moves his fingers down the length of my arm, to my waist, where he gently pulls me toward him. My body is resistant, refusing to budge, because there's a part of me that's still mad at him.

"Evvy." His voice is low, almost inaudible. When it's clear I won't move, he steps forward an inch, closing the hair's breadth between us. His other hand cups the back of my head as he leans in closer, resting his forehead on mine. "I'm sorry."

The lump in my throat grows bigger. I've been fighting back tears, but now a single teardrop rolls down my cheek. I pretend it's not there and say, "For what? Saving a dog? I don't know if you know this, but that kind of makes you the good guy." I expect him to smile, but this time he's not letting me out of this conversation with another sarcastic joke.

Gently, he wipes away my tear with his thumb. "For scaring you."

His breath near my face makes me shiver. It feels like he can see straight through me. "I wasn't scared."

He pulls back slightly, frowning. "You don't need to pretend with me."

There's a split second where I look at him, and I wonder what it would feel like to be honest. To put myself out there and open up to Jordan the way I sometimes did with Ryan. But look how that turned out. Ryan had been perfectly happy to leave me, the way everyone keeps leaving.

The way Jordan is leaving, too.

Yet there's another part refusing to be silenced again. A part that's grown tired of fighting. Maybe I'm right and when Jordan goes home, I'll never hear from him again. Or maybe we'll try our very best but things won't work out, even though we want them to. Maybe I'll fall madly, irrevocably in love and I'll get my heartbroken.