If You Stay, I'll Hate Me Less

Chapter 4

Gojou made his way to the balcony, your words still ringing in his ears. He sat down and let out a long sigh.

"Why...?" he whispered to himself.

Why was he in this situation right now? Because he fell in love... Why, though?

He had always been alone. He wasn't even alone, he still had his students, colleagues, etc. So why was it so hard for him to let go?

"Something's different with her... But what?" he thought.

"She's... She was the only one who saw beyond what I showed. She... cared"

Indeed, in a world where Gojou was given the title of strongest jujutsu sorcerer, he had to play the part.

What he showed was a laid back, cocky but reliable person. Never did he show the individual behind that title.

To Itadori, Megumi and Nobara, he's their teacher, a guide not Gojou. And for others in the jujutsu world, he's the strongest, an unstoppable force or a pain.

Gojou never flinches, he never complains and is always laid back about everything. That makes it hard for people to see past his facade and persona.

"But she was the only one who sought out the person behind that."

"Y/N is the only one I opened up to... About anything. The support I needed was her"

Gojou was never in touch with his emotions. He never took the time to process them, he always pushed them away. You helped him to improve on that.

You did it unconsciously with little questions like, "How do you feel?"

Questions that were rarely asked to him.

"I want her to be happy with me but if that's not happening anymore... What's the point?"

Gojou had distributed his self-worth into his strength and his relationship with you. Strength had always been everything to him but in addition to that, the validation he got from you made him feel whole.

At the end of the day, Gojou was an insecure person who only saw you in relation to him. You were his girlfriend, ex-girlfriend not somebody's daughter, friend, sister or even your own person.

The role you played in his life was so great that he depended on you. He depended on you for emotional fulfilment, only true human connection and validation.

"I can't let her leave, I need her. I can't return to what I was before meeting her..."

A vibration in his back pocket interrupted his introspection. He took out your phone, Kaisu was calling you.

He just stared at the phone, about to reject the call. But he wanted to know who this person was exactly and so, he picked up and put the phone to his ear.

"Y/N? Hello?" said a soft voice.

"She's in the shower" he responded coldly.

"Who is this?" asked the woman.

"Gojou Satoru, her boyfriend"

There was a short silence from Kaisu.

"Well, I'd like to talk to you," she said.

"About?"

"... I know what you're doing, Gojou"

"What are you talking about?"

"Y/N trusted me enough to tell me what's been going on in your relationship during the past few months. She really loves you, you know. So much that, I had to be the one to call out the toxic traits you showed."

A wave of annoyance took over Gojou.

"If I understand well, you're the reason why she's behaving like this. What are you trying to do exactly?"

"You're wrong."

"I'm wrong?" he scoffed.

"I didn't convince her to do anything. Whatever she did is because she's not under your spell anymore. The fact that you believe she changed only because of someone else's influence is... troubling, to say the least"

"Listen-"

"No, you listen Gojou. Y/N is a person with her own mind, a strong person. You only succeeded to control her until now because she loved you. But that's not the case anymore now, is it? You're an abuser, Gojou. Isolating and gaslighting her. That's not how you treat someone, that's not how you love someone... And you know what, you don't deserve her."

Gojou fell silent. Kaisu had voiced the thoughts he never acknowledged.

He didn't deserve you...

Yet he still wanted you.

He needed you.

"Gojou?" said Kaisu.

"What?" he responded but his voice wasn't cold. It was monotonous.

"Let her go. Please. If you love her, let her go"

Silence.

"I know it's hard but, think about it. She probably wants to leave already. And this isn't working for either of you... Think about her-"

Gojou hanged up.

A light breeze caressed his face and at that moment, Gojou felt... Pathetic.

It almost made him laugh because despite knowing how much of an asshole he was, he still couldn't stand the idea of you leaving.

It was the solution, the right thing to do. Yet he didn't want to... He hated himself for it.

He just sat there sinking in self-loathing.

Gojou didn't go on his mission. With the status he had, it was easy for him to make up a credible excuse.

The following three days were okay for you but hell for Gojou.

You were ignoring him. Not in a way that made him think you were mad at him, though.

No, it was as if he wasn't even worth talking to. And when you did, it was degrading. Your tone going from passive to disgusted.

"What do you want?"

"Why are you like this?"

"Ugh, why did I chose you in the first place?"

Whether you meant those words or not, you weren't sure.

But you were conscious of the impact it had on him. This man had to stop loving you, resent you even. You thought that if he reached that point, he wouldn't want to be with you anymore.

On his side, each of your words confirmed what he already thought.

Gojou couldn't look you in the eye anymore. Forget about the nickname 'baby', he felt stupid saying it.

Then, you realised.

Was he going to stop you if you tried leaving again?