Honored

Chapter 10: The City's Soul (Part 5 - Part 8)

Part 5

With my plans finished, I let myself rest against the cell wall. It felt like ages ago when I rested against a similar wall with Dan. It was a different life. A life where there was hope and a thought that the people could change the City, but there just weren't enough people that cared. Everyone wanted their soft comfy lives to not change.

If I let myself think about that life, I would get sucked into my dreams again. I couldn't afford luxury until the castle was a pile of rubble and everyone's comfy happy lives were disrupted enough to force them to join the struggling masses.

Too bad we didn't have the manpower to win straight up. It would have been quite the turnaround to see the King working in the streets cleaning up trash and spit on. The bitter thought stung. What was I thinking? How could I wish the Dishonored life on anyone when that had been my own existence? Were there people who were happy to see my own family's downfall?

Was I any better for planning to kill him by bringing his castle down on him? Was I not just extracting the same justice that he had attempted to bring about with my execution? I was kidding myself. I was no better than him with all my lofty ideals. I was just a terrible person forced to suffer a little. If we had won, I would have had him executed so there was no chance of a rebellion. I would have forced my idea of the way a government should run on the City.

I looked over the map of the City I knew so well. I thought of Daniel's hatred for this place, and my own miserable time in the City. The village of Sunrise out beyond the edge. If only we could be back there, and this City with all it's cursed problems could disappear from my life, but that was not my role anymore. My role was not to be the leader of the winning army taking over and restructuring everything. My place in this society was to die to give others a chance. Maybe someone else could be a better person than me and make something out of this ancient city.

The door opened, and there was the wrinkled old woman with the bowl of soup. The third meal.

"Thanks," I smiled up at her to show my appreciation. She was one of the people the city would be left to.

Her smile back reminded me of how bright and wonderful the world outside the City was. She set the bowl down in front of me, "I made sure to bring you a nice hot bowl again. It's good to see you looking a little better. I was afraid you were going to waste away for a bit there."

She wasn't completely wrong. I had felt like abandoning this world. I looked down at my hands to see my thin bony hands that looked skeletal. They told the story of how I was treating my body. I looked back up at her to see the worried wrinkles lining her eyes and her smile was gone. I forced my lips back up into a smile as I responded, "I realized I still have some more things I have to do."

She nodded and her smile came back, "That's good, dearie. We all have to find something to live for when we live miserable lives. Sometimes it's our friends and loved ones, and sometimes it is simply a wish to be change. When I was yonder, I thought I could bring change. But then I met my husband, and I realized that him and my children were more important than some ideal." She patted my shoulder. "It's so good to see you young folks fighting back. It brings joy to this old woman's heart. If things were different..."

Her sentence hung and she was looking away at the wall as if imagining something else. She then looked back at me, her brownish green eyes meeting my own eyes. "I lived for them for a time, and then for my grandchildren, but I've decided to live for myself again." She patted my shoulder again. "I'll see you at the briefing when you present your grand plan." She waved her hand at my drawings, before turning to leave.

"Wait!" I called out to stop her.

And she turned back toward me with that soft kind smile of hers, "Yes dearie?"