Infinite Stars

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Suga

What are we willing to give up for our dreams?

And is it really worth it in the end?

"It's like they're setting her up to fail! It's not fair."

I don't respond to the outburst. I don't think I know how. Or maybe it's because I'm too confused with myself to comprehend a way to say anything helpful to him now.

For some reason, I can't help but wonder how she feels. If she's okay.

Sighing, I turn my eyes to Namjoon as he paces back and forth in the studio. He's been like this ever since the meeting. Personally, I'm surprised he managed to keep his mouth shut long enough for BangPD to tell Yen about the circumstances she's been roped into.

"She's barely started as a trainee and they're expecting her to perform for an evaluation?!"

I will admit that he has a point.

As much as I believe she should prove that she's ready and despise the fact that she wasn't even provided an audition like everyone else, I can't help but feel that Jiwon's methods are excessive. Even if they are necessary, thinking about the stress and pressure she must be under makes my heart hurt in such a way that I am unable to understand it.

I rub my forehead as though that would erase the inner pains of my heart.

"Most trainees do monthly evaluations, Joon." I remind him, and he turns to me with exasperation.

"Yeah, but not for a live audience! And certainly not with the risk of being kicked out of the company. We might as well be sending her to a survival show!" Namjoon practically tears out his hair at the notion, his frustration clear and painful to watch. "At least then there'd be a pretense of her having a chance."

I wonder if she's scared. If she knows what's on the line, if she understands what this means. I wonder if she regrets her decision. If she wishes she could go back to where her dreams were only dreams. I wonder how it feels for her to know that even though she's been given a chance it may not come true.

"Joon, calm down." Though the words are directed towards him, I wonder if I said them for his sake or my own.

"I'm perfectly calm, thank you." Namjoon snaps in response, rolling his eyes as he rubs the back of his neck in his frustration.

"Do you remember back when we were trainees?" I remind him, and as he looks towards me with those wide eyes, full of vulnerability and pain, I know that I've hit a sore nerve. Memories which neither of us struggles to remember, but don't wish to forget all the same.

"When we would spend every day in the studio, or practicing? We hardly went home, much less had time for sleep. All we could think of was debut, that's all we cared about." Namjoon swallows, looking away, his eyes growing dark, and shielded. A memory of the endeavors, the risks we had to take just to get to where we are. I remember it all too well, a constant thought present in the corners of my mind. It pushes forward my fear and helps me remember that I am still weak, I am still vulnerable. Reminds me that there will come a time when it doesn't matter what I do, soon the world will no longer care about me or my music.