"What's Gotten into you..?" || DISCONTINUED!!

chapt. 2 ~ adapting

||two days later, 12:47pm||

I had just finished my therapy session, Pekoyama recently informed me on what had happened in the game, Its.. upsetting Kaito was still executed, but, the killing game was over. For good.

I finished eating, sighing as I managed to get into my wheelchair. "Ow.." I mumbled as I opened the door to my hospital room and began going around, at one point I noticed a mirror, I hadnt left my room at all yet nor seen how I looked.

My hair, It was white but still tinted purple, and I had forgotten about my Heterochromia.
It's.. fine I dont look too different, my hair is still basically purple, and one yellow eye is no big deal... right? I hadn't realized I've been sitting here for so long when someone tapped my shoulder.

"Rantaro..!" I slightly yelled, moving slightly to face him "Wow Kokichi, I didn't know you were awakae, you're lucky I recognized you." I tried to give a small smile and put up my facade a bit "Oh avacado-kun, of course I'm awake! And I have seriously no problems whatsoever!" But all he did was roll his eyes "I.. Heard how you died in that simulation.. I'm so sorry, you're plan.. you sacrificed yourself.." I wanted to cry already, I don't handle trauma well "Ahah.. Thats because I totally knew it was a simulation..!"

TW: s/h mentions/ attempt soon, and mention of wanting to d1e

Rantaro.. knew I was lying, but how? They never realized it.. am I getting weak? Its my fault, I'm so stupid.. I can't do anything right, can I? I dont even deserve to see the others when they wake up, they deffinitley hate me, I mean, why wouldn't they? I lied about being the mastermind, practically killed Gonta and Miu, and Kaito too. Shuichi despises me and so does everyone else, I should just die before I see anyone else.

My thoughts were stopped by rantaro "Woah Kokichi, calm down, deep breaths.." I was crying, shit, I showed my weak side. I tried getting rid of the tears as quickly as possible "Ni-sh-shishi!~ That.. was just a lie! I'm totally okay, as a supreme leader, I would never actually cry!" He gave me a small smile "Whatever you say Kokichi.. I have therapy so.. see you around I guess." Rantaro then left and I continued rolling in my wheelchair.

I wanted to go back to my room, I needed to harm myself, my body wasn't even close to halfway to being healed and doing this will make it take even longer but I didn't care, I deserved this pain. In the game my lying was uncontrollable and I would harm myself then too with my good buddy, lil' ol pocket knife Jerry! I hate being weak so I need to punish myself for all the wrong and weak things I've done.

I eventually got back to my hospital room, rummaging through my pocket, not there. My checkered scarf? Hah. It was in my old one. I immediatley grabbed it and lifted my sleeve, but before I could do anything, Nurse Mikan barged into my room. "K-KOKICHI!" she yelped out at me when she saw me, but the only thing I could think was 'Shit, I didn't lock my door.' She ran up to me and snatched lil' ol Jerry out of my hand, still holding a panicked expression on her face.

Soon after an unfimiliar face came in, she had light purple hair with matching eyes that were slightly darker, she looked professional and kept a poker face "Im Kyoko Kirgiri, Ultimate detective. Anyway, You should probably start your therapy session quicker.. We'll be conviscating anything you can use to harm yourself with and your access to rooms with anything you can take to use for self harm you may not enter." I sobbed out "NO! LET ME DO IT! I-I DESERVE! I'M A WEAK B-BASTARD! I.. DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE.. I.. NEED TO..!" Mikan cut me off by leaping in to hug me, it was strange.

She was crying, she couldn't handle seeing others like this, and by the looks of it her instict is to hug them. I awkwardly hugged her back, I was so pissed and was crying. I tried giving Mikan a smile but it was sheepish "K-Kokichi.. I-Im so sorry..!" Mikan said, mumbling. Over time I.. kinda calmed down, turns out Mikan was Ultimate Nurse and most workers here were also ultimates.

"Ouma, you may now head to your therapy session, as for what room, the door will say 'Mr. Komaedas Office.' As much as I hate the guy, when he's working he's a better person and I think he'll understand what your going through." I nodded, leaving my hospital room and heading to wherever his office was, in my wheelchair. It was difficult pushing myself around but its whatever.

I eventually found the place and knocked on the door, soon a man with white messy hair and.. mysterious green eyes, he looked sort of cheerful.
"Ah! Hello! I'm Komaeda Nagito! Please, only call me Komaeda, such a hopeful ultimate like you doesnt need to respect me!" I gave him a small smile "Mm.. okay..?" "Oh! Right, I'm your therapist, I was told what happened.."

I didn't respond, just looked to the other side "Such a hopeful being like you shouldn't think that way! As an ultimate, I'm sure you will recover!" This guy was slightly getting on my nerves, "I dont think this is gonna work." I mumbled, he looked dissapointed in himself. "Alright.. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable. How do you feel right now?" He asked me in a calm tone.

By the end of my therapy session I felt a bit relieved, Komaeda wasn't the worst, but not the best to be around either, as for being a therapist, he was pretty alright at the job. I ate my dinner, remembering everything that happened today. I wonder if everyones woken up.. I wonder if everyones doing okay? I wonder... do they even care that I'm awake? They probably think I deserve all this shit I'm going through.

Which I do. Im such a weak bastard.

I shook my head, I need to stop thinking that way. When the others are all up and well.. how will I face them? Is that even possible? Maybe I'll ask Pekoyama to exclude me from the meetings.. Yeah, I'll do that. Until I can put my facade up perfectly and dye my hair again and get contacts, I'll do that.

Everything.. might get better. But if not, I'll.. figure out a way to escape this hospital and go back to my not so interesting life. But.. I'll still have to face Maki.. She's my sister.. That won't work, she'll most likely be friends with most of the people in the killing game.. I'll figure it all out. Hopefully...

||Next morning (again)||

I woke up in my wheelchair. 'I wonder how that happened?' I asked myself, stretching. It was early.. I'll try eating at the cafeteria. I didnt bother changing, thats too much work and left my bedroon, looking for the cafeteria. I eventually found it and was suprised when I saw Kirumi working there handing out food.

I rolled over there and gave Kirumi a small smile, not really wanting to have a conversation "Oh my.. Kokichi, is that you?" She asked me, shocked, I nodded "Uh.. Yeah.." she smiled "I'm glad.. how are you doing?" I shrugged "Pretty alright I suppose! Anyway... I'm hungry kirumom!" She smiled at the nickname and server me some food, I thanked her and went and sat down.

I noticed no other than Shuichi at the cafeteria, He was a mess, didn't even bother glaring at me or thanking Kirumi for the food. I also noticed him just glaring at the food.. as if refusing to eat it. He looked so different, well not appearance wise but his eyes were so much more dull, and his facial expression and everything. Whats happened to him..?

I didn't want him to notice me, that'd be terrible, so I quietly gave my plates to Kirumi and exited the cafeteria. I'll make sure to be extra careful when leaving my dorm to not run into him. If hes awake, I wonder if Maki and Himiko are too...

a/n ~ Gahhh! its 10:40pm for me so im technically late to posting this (schedule for now is to hopefully post everday/ever other day) soo yeah! hope ya enjoyed ig, this chapter was deep im sorry abt that! Lmk what ships you want to see (besides saiouma) and yes, the fanfic title is targeted torward Shuichi.
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