Ranboos Death || Tubbo's Story

The Urge

Tubbo woke up, not seeing Tommy around anywhere. He tried to yell for him but he couldn't, he felt hopeless and scared. He quickly got a thought, a bad thought. *No no I can't, I'm almost a year clean please* Tubbo pleaded but the urge to harm himself was becoming too much in such a small amount of time. He lifted his pillow up and saw the blade, slowly picking it up and observing it. He saw little blood stains on it, making the urge worse. *Am I really about to do this* he thought as he lifted his jumper sleeve up and slowly put the blade to his arm before pressing down and slicing, creating a new cut on his already messed up arm. *Shit* he thought as he did another, then another, then another until he heard the door open.

"Hey Tu-" "AH" Tubbo yelled as he quickly pulled his sleeve back down and slid the blade back under his pillow. "You alright?" Tommy asked as he walked over to him. "Y-yes I'm f-fine" Tubbo stuttered, very visibly not 'fine'. "It's ok, talk to me, what's wrong" Tommy said as he sat down in front of Tubbo. Tubbo felt something run down his arm and to his finger, it was fast. Tommy watched as a line of blood ran down Tubbos arm and to his finger tip, reminding him of 'things'. "May I see?" He asked as his worries grew. Tubbo shook his head violently as he hid his arm away. "Ok, it's ok, let me help you, it's all alright" Tommy said calmly as he slowly reached towards Tubbos arm and grabbed it gently. Tubbo shut his eyes tightly, letting Tommy do what he wanted. "Tubbo look at me, it's ok, let's go and clean this up" Tommy smiled as he stood up. Tubbo slowly stood up with him, quickly feeling light headed as he stumbled a little. "Sit down for a second" Tommy said as he slowly sat Tubbo back down and let his head calm down before bringing him to the bathroom.

Tommy pulled Tubbos arm towards him, Tubbos eyes were scrunched up again as he faced away from Tommy. "Tubbo look at me, it's ok, can I look" Tommy asked as he hinted at his arm. Tubbo slowly nodded, forgetting about the many other scars. Tommy slowly slid his sleeve up and saw all the old and the freshly new scars. "Oh Tubbo" he sighed accidentally. "I'm so sorry I really am I-" "hey hey, it's ok, you're ok, I'm here to help remember" Tommy smiled as he wet a towel and slowly cleaned Tubbos cuts. Tubbo flinched every now and then, feeling even more shitter than before. "Done, are you ok" Tommy asked as he slid Tubbos sleeve back down and held him. "I-I'm so sorry" Tubbo cried into Tommys shoulder as he started shaking and his breathing was getting out of control. "It's ok it's ok, it's all alright now, you're safe, you don't need to be scared or afraid of me ok, always remember that I'm here to help you not yell at you, you can trust me" Tommy said calmly as he slowly rubbed Tubbos back, "if you ever feel that urge again then come and find me ok, never deal with that alone, promise?". Tubbo nodded as he closed his eyes and started to relax, feeling safer than before. "Come on, let's go eat" Tommy smiled as he led them downstairs and made breakfast.

"Here" he smiled as he put 2 bowls down in front of himself and Tubbo. "T-thanks" Tubbo said quietly. "Are you ok?" Tommy asked. Tubbo nodded, he clearly wasn't, the cuts hurt a lot, tiring him out even more. "Don't lie" Tommy said as he looked at Tubbo. "I-I'm not" Tubbo stuttered. "Yes you are, you don't need to lie, it's ok y'know. What's happening in your head right now, what're you thinking?" Tommy asked as he looked at Tubbo. "I-I'm thinking that all of this is my fault, it's all my fault Ranboos dead, it feels like my throat is closing in on itself and there's a massive weight on my chest, making it harder for me to breathe" Tubbo explained as his breathing got shorter and faster. Tommy pulled Tubbo up and into another gentle hug, making sure he didn't feel anymore suffocated than he already felt. "It's ok, try and relax, none of this was your fault at all, you're ok" Tommy said as he rubbed Tubbos back.

"Hey Guys! I felt bad for leaving yesterday so- oh, did I come back at a wrong time?" Tommy turned his head around to see Ghostboo walk into the kitchen. "Oh no it's fine" Tommy smiled, "do you want him to go?" He whispered to Tubbo. Tubbo looked around Tommy and saw Ghostboo standing there with a smile, staring at him with a worried look. Tubbo quickly pushed Tommy away and ran to Ghostboo, Ghostboo was ready this time as he caught Tubbo. "It's ok, I don't even know your guy's names" Ghostboo laughed as he held Tubbo comfortingly. "I'm Tommy and that's Tubbo" Tommy said as he walked over to them. "Oh ok! Well Tubbo, what's up?" Ghostboo asked Tubbo as he looked down at him. Tubbo was quietly crying into his chest whilst hugging him tightly. "W-why did you have to die" he cried quietly. "I-I don't know, I'm sorry" Ghostboo said, now looking sad all of a sudden.

Tommy stood there for a second before he remembered something, the revival book. *I could tell them both how it works now but what if I also break down, that won't do anyone any good* he thought as he started getting memories of it all. "Hey, Tommy was it?" Ghostboo said, noticing Tommy has zoned out. "Hm?" Tommy mumbled as he looked at Ghostboo. "You alright there?" Ghostboo laughed. "Yeah, sorry" Tommy gave a fake laugh but the memories were still there, flashing in his head. "Tubbo are you ok?" Ghostboo asked as he looked back down at Tubbo, he was still holding on tight to him. "Hey listen, I've got to go in a second" Ghostboo said as he patted Tubbos back. "NO! You can't please not yet" Tubbo cried. "I really am sorry but there is only a certain amount of time I can be here, sometimes it's a long time sometimes it's only a short time, I'm sorry" Ghostboo said as he started to disappear.

Tubbo felt him slowly start to disappear in his arms. "No no no please stay, please" he cried, when he opened his eyes, Ghostboo was gone. Tommy quickly ran over to him, turned him around and hugged him. "It's ok, he'll be back later, come on, let's go and have a talk, I feel like you need it" Tommy said as he put an arm around Tubbo and led him to his room. Tubbo sat up against the head board as Tommy sat in front of him with his legs crossed. "So, talk to me, how are you?" Tommy asked, Tubbo just shrugged. "You can write it down instead if you don't want to talk" Tommy said as he grabbed a notebook and pen from the bedside table and put it down in front of him and Tubbo. Tubbo slowly took it and started writing, hiding it away from Tommy so he couldn't read it yet. Once he was done, he handed it back over to Tommy.

"I feel the 'urge' all the time, it's frustrating and I need help with it but I'm too scared to ask incase you think I'm incapable of doing anything or something like that, I felt it before when Ranboo was here but he instantly made it go away by being in the room and now I never even see him so the urge is just there even after I do it, I feel like I'm about to panic any second now, I really want a hug, like a long hug, and I also need someone to tell me it's ok, I sound stupid yes but you asked and now you've got it, I also hope you don't hate me, no matter how hard it gets, I'm sorry for this" Tommy read, he then looked at Tubbo. He hadn't heard the constant click of the pen or the fidgeting he was doing. "Tubbo-" "I'm sorry I really am" Tubbo interrupted Tommy almost instantly. Tommy stood up before pulling Tubbo up and into a hug. "You don't need to apologise, I don't hate you at all I promise, and it will be ok, it will, I'll make sure of it, you'll be ok, you don't need to be scared to ask for help, I'm not going to think you're weak or anything like that, I know how you feel, it's ok" Tommy said slowly to him whilst slowly rubbing his back.

"And with the urge, distract yourself as much as you can for as long as you need or talk to someone about it, like me, I'm here for you and I'll try and help you as much as I can, never be scared to ask me about anything, even if you think it's embarrassing or stupid, it's ok" Tommy said calmly as he felt Tubbo cry into his shoulder. "You don't need to be sorry about anything, you haven't done anything wrong, try not to feel guilty about any of this because none of it was your fault, also you can cry whenever you need, if you need a hug then come and hug me and I'll hug you back, I understand most parts of what you're feeling so don't be scared to ask for advice" Tommy continued. "T-thank you s-so much" Tubbo cried quietly. "It's alright" Tommy smiled. They both stood there next to the bed for a good minute.

"H-how do you deal with the urge?" Tubbo asked. "I try my best to ignore it, of cause sometimes it doesn't work but I try, never give in to it so easily" Tommy answered. "I try but it never works" Tubbo cried harder. "That's ok, it means you need help with it and that's completely fine, come to me if it ever gets bad ok" Tommy smiled, feeling Tubbo nod. "T-thank you again" Tubbo stuttered. "It's alright".

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I think I love traumatising characters a bit too much... Also I was very tired when I wrote this so if something doesn't make sense then I'm sorry :)

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