Crash

Doctor's Orders

"Okay, Miss Jonas," the doctor announced as he walked into the consultation room. He looked to be around fifty, with salt and pepper hair and kind eyes. Apparently, according to Carlisle, this guy was the best sports injury specialist in the country. It had taken him a lot of favours to even get her this appointment, and even more to rearrange it after she missed it yesterday. "I'm Doctor Williams, but you can call me Richard."

"Hi," Penelope said politely, giving him her best smile. "Please, call me Penelope. Miss Jonas always sounds so formal."

Richard returned her smile. "I know how you feel. Please, take a seat. I have your scan results here, I thought maybe we could discuss them together?"

"Sure."

"Great. So, if you look in this image, you should see the x-ray we took of your chest." He pointed to the grainy grey image pinned on the board, showing an assortment of bones. In truth, Penelope had no idea what any of this meant. "As you can hopefully see, there's no breaks there at all. That's a good thing. And based on what my nurses tell me, the general bruising around your chest area seems to have healed nicely too. As far as I'm concerned, you're in perfect health."

Penelope tried her hardest not to look disappointed. "So I can go back to skating?"

Richard nodded. "Absolutely. Just take it easy the first day back, see how you go. But I see absolutely no reason why you can't get back on the horse, so to speak."

"Thank you so much," Penelope said, standing to shake his hand. "Guess I better start getting ready for Nationals."

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As always, the rink was freezing. 

Penelope shivered as she finished tying her skates, still cold despite the jumper she was wearing. Her hair was up and she'd spent an exaggerated amount of time stretching, trying to psych herself up to get back on the ice. She wasn't in pain, she felt fine, but there just something niggling at the back of her mind telling her that maybe she just wasn't ready yet. 

Maybe she never would be. 

In her heart, Penelope knew it was silly to let a pretty tame fall get to her. It was nothing she hadn't been through before, yet this time something was different. She'd seen how flawless Ben and Lisa had been. She and Jasper had practiced that routine for months, they'd put hours and hours into the same steps, and when it mattered they couldn't follow through. Every time her eyes landed on the ice, she remembered the fear she'd felt when she'd seen the blade coming towards her. What if she wasn't good enough? What if one day she made a mistake that she couldn't come back from?

The silence of the rink was so loud it was almost palpable. The sound of her skate against the ice was crisp, her fingers trembling as she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other. 

Every movement was jerky, unnatural. She looked like Bambi on ice, uncertain on her feet. She felt like she was ten years old again, taking her first skating lessons and clinging to the instructor like he was her lifeline. She didn't resemble a professional skater, and she didn't feel like one either.

Penelope made herself keep going. She tried to focus, but her mind was all over the place. Picking up speed, the only thought that kept going through her hair was 'Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall.' She couldn't afford another injury. She couldn't afford more time out. 'Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall.'

She wasn't paying attention to where she was going. Before she knew it, the barrier loomed in the distance, causing her to swerve and grab it with both hands. She clung to it, her knuckles white, trying to catch her breath. It took her too long to set off again, her movements even slower now, more painful. 

Like a robot, she began to circle through the simplest set pieces of her Nationals routine. Her jumps were clunky, the landings not anywhere near the standard Carlisle would demand from her. Ultimately, it was a botched take off jump that sent her sprawling across the cold surface. 

It wasn't a big fall, and it didn't do any damage, but it was enough to scare her. Penelope cried out as she fell, her hands taking the brunt of her fall. As she tried to work up the will to clamber to her feet, she heard someone come running down the stands, heading straight towards her. 

"Here, take my hand," Jasper told her, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. "I'll help you up."

"I'm fine," Penelope snapped, pushing his hand away. "I can do it myself."

She managed to stand up, albeit slightly clumsily, before starting to skate back towards the barriers. Jasper wasted no time in following her, his hand hovering behind her back like he was scared she was going to trip again. 

"You didn't tell me you got the all clear. I would've-"

"What are you doing here, Jasper? I thought it was solo session till five."

Jasper shrugged, but the comment seemed to hurt him. "I'm booked in for the next slot. I saw you from the stands, and you haven't been returning my calls, so..."

His voice trailed off as he waited for her reply. Penelope had reached the rink side and was pulling her sweater over her head, her skate guards already on. It wasn't that she was angry at Jasper, but at the minute, everything about skating was just getting under her skin. Unfortunately, he happened to be there to take the brunt of it. 

"I can't dance, Jasper," Penelope spat, throwing her bag down against the seats as she turned to face him. "I get on the ice, and I can't dance. What do you expect me to say?"

"Don't be stupid. You just need a little time-"

"Time? What time? Nationals are in less than a month and I can't even go in a straight line without falling."

"What, so you're quitting?"

"Maybe I am."

"Oh, come on!" Jasper complained, picking her bag up and shoving it back into her arms. "Grow up. We made one mistake, one, and you wanna give up? How long have we worked for this? You're the best skater I've ever known, so suck it up."

Maybe it was the mental exhaustion, but Penelope's words came out harsher than she wanted them to. She didn't mean what she was saying, but in the moment she saw red. "You wanna lecture me, Jasper? Let's not forget that you're the one who dropped me in the first place. If you'd have done your fucking job, then I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place."

Instantly, Jasper recoiled like she'd branded him with hot coal. He regarded her like she was a stranger, so far from who she normally was that she was almost unrecognisable. "Wow. Say what you really feel, huh? Don't hold back."

"Well, you asked. Sorry you don't like the answer."

Penelope brushed past him, kicking her skates off and swapping them out for her trainers. Jasper stood back and watched her, his expression closed off. "So you're not coming to Nationals? You're just giving up?" 

Penelope's eyes burned with a furious fire as she stared him down, trembling with a mix of rage and exhaustion. "Yeah. I am. Good luck at Nationals, because I won't be there."

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